Would you like some Cheese with that Whine?

I know I keep saying that I don't have a lot to write about, and in a lot of ways that's wrong. There's tons of random things rambling around up in my brain - but they just aren't that interesting. In fact, it's mostly just a lot of whining.

So every couple of days I've started a new post, trying to be witty or funny or just plain interesting - and all that comes out is more whining. Sometimes it's a matter of being tired of things, other times it's just all the things that I should be doing (but I'm not), most of the time it devolves into rambling about my job or problems with Scott. One way or the other, I get a few paragraphs into the post and find that it's really just not anything I would want to read and so why should I subject you to reading it?

I guess what it comes down to is that depression that I thought wasn't that big a deal (since I could get up and go to work and make dinner and all the basic stuff) really is a big deal. I've realized that I'm not doing lots of things that I used to love to do (writing, scrapbooking, talking to family, etc.) and instead I'm just sitting around watching tv or reading books. But if there is a silver lining to all of this it's that I'm actually fairly functional all things considered. Or maybe it's that I realize that I do miss doing all that stuff, so maybe I can make my way back to it.

Really it comes down to that fact that the little hole that I thought I was sitting in is actually a lot deeper than I thought and not only is it hard to get out of, but it's not very interesting.

Current Music: Escape Myself - Nouvelle Vague

It's a Wonder

Right, so I didn't blog yesterday. But I have a really good excuse - I had nothing to write. It occurred to me that part of the reason that I haven't been writing much is because I haven't had a heck of a lot to say. And sadly, that is still the case. But I said I was going to write, so I'm going to do it (even if it is a bit lame and regurgitated).

A couple of things I've been wondering...

I wonder why I love the shallow moments of being a girl - nail polish, lip gloss, new shoes, whatever!

I wonder when the wrinkles in my forehead decided to take up permanent residence.

I wonder why leftover dinner tastes so yummy late at night.

I wonder why my husband can't manage to put an empty soda can in the recycling bin.

I wonder why everyone here has to call it "pop" instead of "soda" like everyone else.

I wonder why the first day I look for airfares they're super cheap, but the day that I go to buy the tickets everything goes up $50 to $75.

I wonder why it takes so long to get an appointment with a new doctor, really are there that many people that need check ups?

I wonder why sitting in the sun has to be so bad for you when it feels so wonderful.

I wonder how I always manage to get one cat hair in my newly painted nails (all right that one isn't really a wonder as much as an irritation).

I wonder how much longer I can manage to duck my sister's calls.

I wonder if I'm the only person kind of freaked by the new Prius commercials.

I wonder what "Adult Hits" are on satellite radio - sounds kinda scary.

I wonder if they can do laser hair removal on the bikini line, 'cause I'm tired of waxing and shaving - not one of the brighter points of being a girl.

I wonder how bad the new G.I. Joe movie is going to be and why I really want to see it.

I wonder what I'm going to think of to write for tomorrow...

Current Music: Careless Whisper - Seether (I'm not much for remakes, but this one isn't too bad)

Tomorrow I Will Blog

Right, so last month's theme for NaBloPoMo was "routines" - and I had high hopes of getting back into the routine of blogging. I miss reading, I miss writing. But then there are so many things that I miss lately - lots of things that I haven't been doing that I should be.

The new theme for the month is "Tomorrow". So tomorrow I will blog (and go to the gym and clean my house). I'll do my best to do the NaBloPoMo thing, sometimes I just need a little self imposed guilt to get me back into the swing of things.

See you tomorrow...

Current Music: Killing the Blues - Robert Plant and Allison Krauss

Routines

The topic of NaBloPoMo for July is Routine. And (as always) I'm not saying that I'm for sure gonna do it, but it's a cool topic. So it's tempting...

Especially given the fact that my routines are about to be blown all to hell for the next week. That's right, it's vacation time! I'm headed home to Cali, for a whole week, no holiday drama (just the regular kind) and Scott free, which means that I'll be able to see my friends with out hearing him sigh heavily (you know that exasperated "I can't believe that I have to endure this again, you're sooooo gonna owe me for this" kind of sigh).

My plans as of this moment are to see a whole lot of friends and a bit of family. In between all that, I'm hoping to spend some time in my old stomping grounds - walk around Noe Valley (stop at my favorite jewelry shop), head out to Livermore and maybe do a little wine tasting, drive along the coast and sit by the ocean.

That's a biggie, sitting by the ocean. I REALLY need to do that. When anyone around here says "beach" they mean the lake - and that's nice, it's sandy and there's nice water. But to me it's just not the same, it's not a "real" beach. I need waves and salt air - that's a beach. And I'm not even sure why I feel such a compelling need to do it, but I do. I can't wait to dig my toes into the sand, sit down and breathe.

As for all the other stuff, I know I'm trying to squeeze a lot in, but I just really feel this need to reconnect with my family, my friends and my home. Ever since I decided to go, I almost cry I'm so anxious to get home (which really is strange, since usually I sort of dread going home). I'm not sure I really get it, but hopefully once I get there things will get clearer.

And we'll see about NaBloPoMo.

Current Music: Daydreamer - Adele

Crisis of Mid-Life Proportions - Bad to the Bone

And now back to the Mid-Life Crisis already in progress...

I've always been a pretty good kid, done what I was told, when I was told to do it. Curfews, yes ma'am. Cut classes, no sir. But I have to say that, for the most part, it was pretty easy to be good. Of course nothing comes that easily, there had to be a few sticking points, right?

When I was growing up I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced. According to my Dad, only bad girls had their ears pierced (you know the kind that broke curfew and went around with guys on motorcycles - and probably hung out with Danny Zuko and Kenickie). So I waited, and waited. By my senior year I'd figured that I'd have to get it done when I moved out - clearly that was going to be the deal. But then, for my High School graduation, I was given a pair of amethyst earrings - a lovely gift from my Father of all people. Off to college I went, a bad girl with pierced ears.

But by then, everyone had multiple piercings. I wasn't bad enough, I needed more! I'd finally turned I'd turned 18 and boy did I make up for lost time - the final count six. Each piercing drove my Dad nuts, and by the time I got the navel piercing he was shocked, but he was getting so used to me showing up with new jewelry that he just said "well, at least it's not another hole in your head".

So imagine my Dad's reaction if I'd ever gotten a tattoo! That would have been a doozy! He would have assumed I was doomed to a life of Motorcycle gangs and teasing my hair. (Though, in his defense he did fairly well when my sister dropped trow at a family dinner and showed off her new tattoo. And in her defense she turned out pretty all right, tattoo and all.)

Poor reaction or not, I've always wanted a tattoo. Always. And not just because it would piss off my Dad, and not because my sister got one - I just dig them. You'd think that I'd have gotten one before now but the fact of the matter is that I've never really figured out what I wanted to have on my body for the rest of my life.

I didn't want to be that old lady with a Winnie the Pooh on her ass, and I really don't want anything that's your "traditional" tattoo (you know, anchor across the chest, heart with "Mom" in the middle). And I really didn't want to be the gal that got a tattoo in just the wrong spot and by the time she was 50 you couldn't read it anymore because it was so stretched out. So I've waited, figuring that if I ever happened to find the right thing, at the right time and figure the right place - then I would get a tattoo.

A month or so after my Dad died it occurred to me that the two things that define me the most and are most dear to me are my family and my California roots (did I ever tell you that I'm a fourth generation Californian? Yeah, me and Cali go way back.).

So keeping those two things in mind (and of course gravity and likely fat deposits), I finally go my tattoo!

It's a golden poppy, California's state flower - along with the word "Eureka!", the California state motto (which means "I have found it", and was reportedly said when they first found gold - which coincidentally was when my family moved to California).

I. Love. It.

As a friend of mine said "it's your soul", and she's right. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, I now have my soul on my ankle.

It's been almost a month now and every morning I look at it and smile - thinking of California, of where and who I come from. Although every now and then I catch a glimpse of it and giggle, thinking "hey, I'm a bad girl with a tattoo!".

Way back when I first started writing this post, I hadn't gotten the tattoo. Everything was still sort of coming together. Plus I really was worried that some would consider it to be a mid-life crisis sort of thing, (Scott thinks that's what it is, in fact he asked a number of times if it was permanent). But really, with the exception of getting this tattoo in mid-life, there is nothing mid-life crisis about it. Just me finally figuring something out about myself, but maybe that's what a good mid-life crisis can do for you.

I'm sure my Dad is looking down on me from somewhere, shaking his head. But hopefully a little bit happy that I've finally figured out what my family history means to me (even if it means being such a bad girl).

Current Music: She Moves in Her Own Way - The Kooks


Oh, and for those of you playing at home, cojones. I'm guessing that I must have been thinking about how scared I was of the pain, which, as it turns out, really wasn't that bad!

The Trifecta

June is a usually a good month - well at least I used to think it was. Really, what's not to like? When we were young it was the beginning of warm weather and summer vacation, camp, sleeping in, goofing off with friends till the sunset then running home for dinner and then heading back out for more. I suppose getting older makes June a little less magical, more bridal and baby showers to go to or weddings attend, maybe having to deal with those irritating teens hanging out at the mall. But it's still the beginning of summer - even if we don't quite celebrate it the same.

When I lived in the Bay Area summer didn't really get into full swing till August, but June usually held those first few peeks at what was to come - it meant that San Francisco could actually get to 70 degrees and we could shed our sweaters and go for lunch outside. In Oakland, you could get out a pair of shorts and walk the dogs late into the evening (as long as the fog didn't roll in).

Once I moved to Michigan I really learned to appreciate June - by June Spring has usually sprung and then sprung away. The farmers market is starting to get the first real harvests in, all the geraniums that the little old ladies planted in May are blooming all over the place, and the grass is green - no matter which side of the fence you look on. And it means the beginning of an incredibly busy season of parties, hanging out with friends on the beach and generally soaking in every bit of sun, sand, water and fun that you can so that it can keep you warm all winter long.

So all things being equal, June should rock - and it did before my Dad died. June used to be a big month for our family, it was sort of an end of the season of celebration (all of our family's birthdays are over by June, so June was the last big deal till the holidays). It started off with Dad's birthday, going right on to my parent's anniversary and then rolling on to the big day, and always my Dad's favorite, Father's Day. When my brother-in-law came on the scene we celebrated his half-birthday in June (long story, but it makes June all the more fun) and when my nieces were born we had another dad to celebrate. June was a great month in our house and now it's just turned into the Trifecta of Crap-tastic-ness (a newly coined term, feel free to use it!).

As this June approached and Father's Day got closer I've been desperate to find a way to deal with today. Should I just hide out? Should I go out and celebrate with other dads? How can I make the day ok - still enjoy it as much as he did when he's not here. And then it occurred to me - baseball. I may not be able to celebrate with my Dad, but I sure can go do something he loved almost as much as Father's Day (well, probably more, the man did love baseball). So we're off to watch the Tigers take on the Brewers, we'll sit in the sun, eat hot dogs, drink beer, sing take me out to the ball game and maybe (if I'm really channeling Dad) I'll listen to the radio broadcast and score the game like he used to (but probably not, since it's kind of dorky and we used to make fun of him for doing it). Hopefully it will be a good day, we can be happy for the time we had with him and enjoy what he loved - Father's Day and baseball.

But could you all do me a favor? Hug a Dad for me today.

Current Music: Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Random Post on a Random Word

I was just going back to an old draft post to try writing it again. I gave it a quick read through and then started a few edits. As I got to the end I found the word "cojones" at the bottom.

I haven't the faintest clue as to why it was there, I'm not really sure what it has to do with what I was writing about or why I might have written it in the first place. And yet there sits at the bottom of the post. I might just leave it there to see if you're all paying attention.

Some times I crack myself up.

Current Music: Far Away - Ingrid Michaelson

I'm Here...Kind Of

Just checking in quickly.

In the good news category:
- Scott got a real job (well kind of).
- That real job comes with real health insurance (instead of the expensive half-assed version that we had before).
- Because of that insurance I've finally decided to get my sorry ass into therapy.
- I got to drive off to DC to meet up with my dear friends to go to the Big Gay Hoedown again.
- I got a sassy new hair cut a month ago, and the bangs are good (I know, I can die happy now, right?)
- It is finally green here, mostly.
- I'm still employed, for now.

In the bad news category:
- The real job that Scott got only helps us go broke more slowly.
- The therapist as diagnosed me as clinically depressed (which I really didn't think I was, but hey, now I can get some cool drugs if I want to).
- I got a ticket on my way back from DC - that sucked.
- It's still freaking freezing here, we've had like 3 warm days and I've either been out of town or in the office.
- I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be employed, or how much longer I want to be employed.

Other than all that I'm soooo in the middle of my little mid-life crisis. Darn it, I started it without you guys, now I'm in the middle of it and you all don't even know about it. Let's just say that I've done some less than healthy things (less than health for my emotional well being and possibly for my marriage) and am now reaping the rewards. Once I get my head clear(er) I'll report back.

But know that I'm here, mostly. I'm reading your blogs, checking in with you all - even though I'm not commenting much. Really I'm trying to dig out of this hole I've found myself in.

Current Music: We Made You - Eminem

Crisis of Mid-Life Proportions - A Post of Many Parts

Happy Blogoversary to me! Wow, has it really been three years? No, not really - more like two, but still, that's pretty good right. Apparently I really do have that much random crap to discuss with myself.

I did have an ok birthday. I tried hard not to be too sad or mopey. I did things that I wanted to do - did my nails and toes, cleaned up some of my scrapbooking stuff, took the dog for a drive, hung out with Scott and generally had an ok day. Of course my brain never really stops, so there was bound to be some sadness.

One of the many things that my never-stopping brain decided to roll around was my looming mid-life crisis. Not that I have to have one mind you, just that I think I am. The last couple of months have had me examining my life, where I've been and where it could be headed. I'm not certain that it's truly a mid-life crisis and if it is I don't know if it could be attributed to to my dad's death, my age, the economy or anything else. One thing I am certain of I am both profoundly unhappy and dissatisfied with my life.

So this posts is a kick-off for a series posts on the different parts of my mid-life crisis. I'll try not to bore you with all of them all at once, or maybe I will - get it all off my chest and see if that helps at all. If this doesn't work I'm going to have to start saving up for my little red sports car and the hot blond to go with it.

Current Music: World Waits for You - Son Volt

p.s. Don't you just love the little things I found at Disney Land - I tried to buy the little sign, but the clerk said it was a display item only. I would have tried to take it, but you know, it's Disney and that's just not right.

Another Year Older and Deeper in Debt

Yep, it's that time of year again, well almost - my birthday is tomorrow.

Remember when birthdays were a magical day? There were presents, balloons, a cake with candles (maybe a pony if you were lucky). What happened to that, why do adult birthdays have to be just like any other day? It seems like once you get past those milestone birthdays of 16, 18 and 21 adult birthdays are pretty much just another reminder that you are getting older.

And this one is going to be particularly tough - this will be my very first birthday with out my Dad. I'd never really thought about it but there are only two people (well, one now) that have been part of my life for every one of my birthdays. Sure I have aunts and uncles, and my sister has been around just two years less - but it's just not the same.

Right now the thought of having a birthday tomorrow makes me want to crawl into bed and cry for days on end. All my friends have been super nice, calls and cards and birthday wishes - but the thought of tomorrow coming is absolutely devastating. I know Scott is worried, but I haven't told him what's going on in my head - I don't want to get into that with him right now.

I've decided to take tomorrow off - the day is already going to be miserable enough, I don't need to make it worse by going to work. But I really don't know what to do with myself. Should I go do something interesting, go to a museum an art gallery (do they even have those here?) or maybe I go to a mall and spend sometime window shopping (because even though I am about to be a year older I'm really doing my best to stay out of debt). Perhaps I'll go get a mani-pedi and get my hair done.

One way or the other, I think that I'll be spending it quietly. And part of the time will be alone, and that's ok.

Current Music: February Air - Lights

Oh What A Night

I should start out with the requisite apology for goofing up the end of NaBloPoMo and not having been around for a bit. But I really don't have much of and excuse for not being around, besides a severe case of what my sister would call "Head Up Ass" disease. I did bail on the last day of NaBloPoMo, but I have a number of reasonable excuses - I was in a different time zone, I was entertaining someone else's children in Disneyland, I'd already messed up NaBloPoMo anyway, oh and I was at my super important reunion (also called the mini Slug-Fest-Love-Fest-Drinking-Fest).

It was pretty damned awesome! It's been almost 13 years since I'd seen all my old roomies and almost 20 since we'd lived together, yet we were able to pick back up as if no time had passed. Sure we were all a bit older, maybe a few more pounds here and there, but no worse for wear. Some of us had kids, some weren't working, one was having an affair, and one had a nice new set of boobs (none of those are me by the way) - but all still in good shape and still the same bunch of fun gals we always were.

Oh, and did I say we all looked pretty good? 'Cause we did. My one roomie said that "almost 40 is the new 20" - maybe she's right. Oh and I'm pretty sure I pulled off the H-O-T, hot bit as well ("you are hotter now than you even were in college" - a direct quote from the Ex) - even with the bangs.

After plenty of girl chatter and gossip the once "Fearsome Foursome" (our nickname way back in our Freshman year) got all tarted up and headed out to the bar to meet the rest of the Slugs. The group was supposed to include one Ex per roomie (yep, we broke hearts and took names once upon a time), plus a couple of floor-mates from our Freshman and Sophomore dorms. The "rest" of the group ended up being only be my Ex and one other friend. Oh, and my Ex brought his wife - which actually turned out ok, she was really nice (and incredibly tall and could kick my ass in a hot second, so I have to say she was nice right? :-).

Anywhoo, we headed out to the restaurant and proceeded to eat, drink and relive old times (strangely they included a lot of talk about how my Ex and I hooked up all those years ago - the good news is that his wife took it in good form). We kept talking, eating, drinking and laughing till we realized that we were getting a bit too loud for the rest of the restaurant patrons. We knew we weren't done with the evening so we headed on to some random country bar around the corner (which you really wouldn't expect to see in the trendy part of San Diego, and yet...).

At some point between trying to get me on the mechanical bull and the tequila shots we started to really have a good time! The guys tried out a little table dancing - which was frightening (and managed to get the bouncers over to our table). I'm fairly certain that at least one of the girls had a little spin on the pole (clothes on). But the night couldn't end there! Not long after, we all ended up on the roof top bar dancing and drinking well into the wee hours of the morning. Sometime around 3am we dragged ourselves back to our room and into bed.

We all managed to drag ourselves out of bed the next morning and down to breakfast. I'm not sure that we did any better than we did 20 years ago, but we all made it through the night not too much worse for wear. We enjoyed a breakfast and shared a small bottle of Advil and started making plans for the next reunion.

I guess the good news is that I've got a year to recover.

Current Music: So Long, Farewell, Bye Bye - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Help Me....

Apparently the "Happiest Place on Earth" actually means the loudest, whiniest, kid-clogged, long lines ever. I'd forgotten that Disney land was so "magical"!

More later, must sleep now.

Welcome to Disneyland

I made it to LA. Got to Disney and totally surprised my nieces - it was great! Day one of the happiest place on earth done. Best news yet, it's 70 degrees and sunny - yay.

Good and Bad

Up at 6am - good

Worked till 8:30pm - bad

Only got in one fight with Boss - good(ish)

Was still at the market at 9pm - bad

Ate dinner at 10pm - bad

Packed til just now - bad

Done blogging, going to bed - good

Getting on a plane tomorrow - very good

Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies

NaBloPoMo is hard, it always seems easy when you say "sure that sounds like fun", but it's not easy (and periodically it's not even fun). And as the end of the month nears the search of blog fodder becomes more and more desperate. Happily my girlie KimmyK has come to the rescue today!

Kimmy's given me questions before, and they were fun - so let's hope these are as much fun and the last time (maybe they'll be funnier?)

1) What's the one article of clothing you can't live without?
Huh, well if it's a specific item I'd have to say my bra, but not just a regular old bra - it has to be one of the Victoria's Secret Very Sexy bras. They're awesome, little push up and a bit of padding (to reduce embarrassing chilly situations). Sure they rename the stupid thing every couple of months so I have to go out and buy a new one thinking it's something different - but all in all it's something I can't live without.

2) What's the one thing your husband does that gets on your nerves?
Does breathing count? 'Cause sometimes... I kid, really.

Probably the whole not listening thing. It kills me how many times I have to tell him stuff and how much time I spend repeating myself. Every once and a while he surprises me and hears me, but most of the time I think I could just record myself and then take off on vacation (hey, come to think of it, I should probably do that before I leave).

3) What's your own worst habit?
I don't have any, silly! Um, this is actually hard - I'm sure that Scott would have a list for you. If it's a grooming habit, I'd say that I pick at pimples too much, I'm probably lucky that I don't have more scaring from messing with them. I'm sure I have others, but let's go with that one.

4) Perfect Sunday afternoon-what is it? Where are you, who you with, and whatcha doin?
I think that it would be at our friends beach, hanging around in the sun, swimming, cooking dinner and enjoying it all together. Scott, our friends, their kids - our local family. Simple, easy, fun - all good things.

5) What's your weirdest obsession?
That's kind of a moving target - my Dad and I always sort of felt like we both have (well he had) adult hobby ADD. Every time I take up a hobby I really take it up. So right now it's facebook and my photo of the day. In times past it's been blogging or twitter, cross-stitching or quilting or painting (I went through a strange thing where I spent a lot of time painting picture frames and lamps - if it wasn't nailed down or moving I painted it).

I've gotta say, these were harder than the last ones I think - or maybe it's that my brain is running on fumes right now (I really need to get some sleep).

And with any good game there are rules so if you'd like to play along, just follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (please make sure I have your email cause that helps when trying to actually email someone)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. Be sure you link back to the original post.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

Current Music: Wanna Fly - Vassy

Making a List

I'm making a list and checking it twice! Maybe I'm overly anxious for this trip to LA, or maybe I just need to get out of town for a bit - I'm guessing there are actually plenty of answers. But the closer I get to leaving, the longer my to do list gets...

1. pack
2. laundry
3. get suitcase out of attic (get second suitcase out, in case I over pack)
4. do toes and nails
5. shave (hey it's winter and I'm married, so?)
6. buy cat food so that they don't starve
7. figure out what to pack (I guess that should come before pack)
8. get bangs fixed (still not totally sure about this one)
9. go buy travel sized everything
10. book shuttles to and from airport in LA
11. clear up the tivo, so I can tape a bunch more stuff
12. go to the market to buy Scott all the frozen food that he'll need to survive
13. continue with the 100 crunches a day, tan in a can and teeth whitening so that I don't look like a mid-winter midwesterner (again why didn't anyone tell me that you gain at least 5 pounds over winter that you've got to take off before beach season - so unfair)

I think that's it for now, but I'm sure it will get longer before it gets shorter.

Current Music: Dude, I just said I had to get the tivo cleared!

This Might Get Me Fired

Dear Boss,

Thank you for ruining my weekend.

Why did you have to call me yesterday to ask such and inane and condescending question? What is it that makes you think that I don't do my job correctly and that you need to call me on my day off to ask me about it? Thanks for calling and making me so mad that I screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration - upsetting my cats, dog and husband. Thank you for making me so mad that I have stewed on it all weekend.

I have worked for you for three and a half years and I have sold a lot for your business, I've made you a lot of money. And yet, somehow you've now decided that I can't do my job. Just because the economy is bad does not mean that I am not doing my job, perhaps people are just not buying they way they used to.

Do you think that I am secretly telling them to buy elsewhere? That I am sabotaging your business? I ask you, what good would that do me?

But you call on a Saturday, asking why I didn't get back to some one and do I have the email to prove that I sent the files. The answer is this I didn't get back to the person because I ran out of time this week, because you were out of the office all week and I had to do your job and my job. The answer is that your wife told me specifically not to work any over time this month, and so I would have gotten in trouble with her if I had stayed the extra couple of minutes to make the call. And as for the email question, if you knew a computer from your a**hole you'd know how to set up my email so it went through the database system and tracked it all.

What have I done to make you not trust me? I've trusted you all this time, trusted you when you said that you would give me a raise (but you didn't), trusted you when you said you would pay my commission on certain sales (but you didn't). I've worked on Saturdays and evenings, I've answered calls on vacation, while I was home in California grieving with my family and if I recall correctly (the day was rather hazy) you called looking for a file a few hours after I had called to tell you that my Dad had died. I've given more than my all for you and you've treated me like crap.

I used to love my job, I loved working for you guys. Now I just want a way out.

Your (previously happy) employee,
Mandy Lou

You Have Questions

Today's post is brought to you by Single and the letters TGI and F...

1. Why did you start blogging?
All the cool kids were doing it, so...

Actually I heard a woman on NPR talk about how she blogged and she and her husband kept in touch that way when he was traveling. And it's not that Scott travels and he certainly doesn't blog, but I went and read her blog and I realized that it wasn't just wackos that blogged - normal people wrote about every day things. And I figured why not?

2. What was one your favorite movies in the past year and why? You can pick a movie from the theater or DVD.
I really didn't see a lot of new movies this year. I guess I'd have to say Sex In The City - it was fun and funny, and I left smiling. I also saw Twilight (I know, just don't hold it against me), it was good, but not as good as it needed to be.

3. If there was a fire and you could only take five things (not including pets and important papers), what would they be?
As long as the cats, dog, papers and hubby are good (wow, did I put Scott at the bottom of that list - that's probably bad) then the list would be as follows.

1. The Photo Albums
2. The Laptop (it's got all the recent, non-scrapbooked photos)
3. Mutt-Mutt LeMutt, yeah - my favorite stuffed animal. I've had him since I was ten, he sits by my bed every night, and some days - those really bad days I still sleep with him. One day I'll introduce you all to one of my oldest and dearest friends.
4. Our Antique Maps, we have a nice collection of antique maps - I'd do my best to grab as many of them as possible. Not just because they are expensive, but because a fair number of them were purchased on trips like our honeymoon or other vacations.
5. And two little figurines from my grandparents, they sit next to one another - a bronze bell from Brazil (that kind of looks like Carmine Miranda) and a reproduction of The Kiss by Rodin.

Crap - I just realized, would my purse be included in the "important papers"? If not, that's gotta bump something since that pretty much always has my keys, cell phone and digital camera - things I'm thinking I would need a lot right after a fire (well maybe not the house keys).

4. Name one goal you have set for the next year. You can pick your easiest or lamest one if you want.
Have a better year - that's my one and only goal. 2008 was such crap, I want 2009 to be better, it doesn't have to be a lot better - just not as sucktastic as 2008. It doesn't seem like a huge goal, but it's a big one for me.

5. What is your favorite TV show and least favorite?
Many of my favorite TV shows have been bugging me, so I guess I'd say that the show that is annoying me the least is re-runs of The West Wing and my least favorite is... well, everything else.

Current Music: Far Away - Ingrid Michaelson

If Only

If only I could come up with something clever to write about.

If only I could get someone else to clean my incredibly messy house.

If only I could figure out a way to get some sleep.

If only I could not have to go to work tomorrow.

If only I could get Scott to finish the basement.

If only I could just spend a couple of days in bed.

If only I could find those winning lotto numbers - that would pretty much solve all but the first one (actually that would be pretty good blog fodder)!


Current Music: She Moves In Her Own Way - The Kooks

This and That

Seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel here... apparently my life is really boring (well, except for the flood, the car on the river, and maybe a few other things). So here's a bunch of randomness for you - 'cause it's all I got.

* I am incredibly tired of medical shows about transplants. Every now and then there's a transplant episode, and it gets me every time. Damn transplants, damn broken organs, damn TV. (And don't even get me started on all the dead dads on TV lately!)

* My Mom called to let me know that the "final resting place" that we chose for my Dad had to be moved across the "garden". It's no big thing, but it's just sort of surreal to be at work, talking to your Mom about the merits of his ashes being on the sunny side vs. the shady side of a garden filled with lots of other people's ashes. I suppose I should care, we're getting the "family plan" - Scott and I will be there one day.

* The car is still in river, only the front half, but now the river is freezing around it and I have no idea when or how they are going to get it out. Worse yet, since Scott was the one to call emergency services he ended up getting a bunch of calls from the Sheriff, the humane society (the idiot was on the river chasing after his dog) and the news paper. Somehow we've become a side show in this red-neck drama.

* Back to the bra shopping - what I really need is a bra that moves the back fat forward. Why didn't anyone tell me that some time after thirty, no matter how thin you are, back fat happens? How is it that my ass began growing up my back at the same time that it starts falling down? And is there a bra that can fix it?!

* I went to a meeting of the local photo club tonight - I'm not sure if I'm going to keep at it. The people were nice, but I'm not sure if my photos are up to snuff. It's not a big time commitment, and it might be fun. I really love how my perspective on things has changed since I've started taking a picture a day - I look at the world a little differently, and maybe this club will continue to foster that.

* And three years ago today we adopted a cute little ball of Tortoiseshell fluff - and right now she's doing a great job of keeping my neck warm and probably helping me keep my hold on the little patch of sanity that I can still lay claim to.

Current Music: Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

A Big Day Here

Yeah, big, big day here - I woke up this morning, knowing that it was going to be great, but wow. I was floored.

I mean how many times in your life are you going to see some dumb-a** redneck drive a car down a frozen river and then watch that car stall and sink - all in your own back yard? Really, an historic event (if by historic you mean it only happens once or twice a year).


Oh and there was an awesome inauguration in Washington, but you know for me it was all about the car in in the river.

Current Music: Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo - Tracy Byrd

What's Your Number?

Do you watch Coupling (if not, really you should be - but not the American version, the real one)? There's this scene in one of the episodes where all the girls (Susan, Sally and Jane) are talking about who was in each others speed dial. The best part comes when one of the girls asks Jane who her number one speed dial was and she said "I don't know, I haven't met them yet".

It got me thinking about my speed dial situation. Number one is voice mail - which annoys me, I'm a gown up (mostly) and I think that I can decide who my number one is. Number two is Scott and number three is my sister. But really, even with the Verizon enforced number one selection, those first three really are my most dialed numbers.

Here's the problem. I haven't taken my Dad off of my speed dial - he's number four (heck some days I called him more than Scott and my sister combined - which means I probably should have mad him number 5, since 2+3=5). Somehow I can't manage to take it off. I know that if I should accidentally click on the number it's not going to go anywhere. I know that it's going to bring up a picture of him on the screen, and probably make me cry - but I really can't manage to take him off my phone.

Part of me thinks it's ok to leave it - my brain knows not to dial 4 (most of the time), it knows that other keys lead to the people that I can actually talk to. And what if I change it and start dialing all the wrong people - think I'm call up my sister at midnight here/9pm there and accidentally call my boss? It could be speed dial anarchy - and no one wants that.

But then I think, maybe it's time for a change, shake things up a bit - maybe bump Scott down a number or two, perhaps I should put my good friend that I never call enough higher up. And maybe I should leave a few open, what I haven't met my number one or at least my new number four?

Current Music: All Good Things - Nelly Furtado

I Don't Want To

Why is it that at some point (I'm guessing that it's somewhere around puberty - sooner for some, perhaps a bit later for others) we are no longer allowed to stamp our feet and have a big old temper tantrum? I would really like to just throw a big old fit, not every day - just every once and a while. Is it so wrong to not want do something, and just every once and a while say it really emphatically?

Since I'm not allowed to I think I'll just do it here...

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to clean the house. I don't want to shovel all the snow. I don't want to go grocery shopping. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone or deal with pain in the neck clients or my bosses. I want to sit on my butt and do absolutely nothing - for a good long while. And I want everyone to get over it and leave me alone!

Ok, thanks, I'm feeling a bit better now. Maybe we should do this again sometime.

Current Music: A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley

p.s. I'm not going to apologize for not posting yesterday, I figured that I've already messed up the NaBloPoMo thing - so one more day off isn't going to kill me. And you know, I didn't feel like it - so there.

I Think This Could Work For Me

I have found my new spiritual path - I really see this working for me. Here's the general premise:

"It is the perfect western expression of the eastern ideas of letting go, giving up and finding real freedom by realising that things don’t matter so much (if at all)."

An amazing man named John C. Parkin came up with it, I think it's clarity and ease really speaks for it's self. It is "The Fuck It Way" - it is now my way. If you want to follow the way, you can get the book, or join the facebook group, or of course sign up to be a "Fuckiteer".

My life is now complete - all I have to do is say "Fuck It"!


Current Music: Fuck Me Pumps - Amy Winehouse

(You know what I love most, is that I DID NOT MAKE THIS UP - this is real!)

Running on Fumes

The tank is running a bit low, I'm running out of things to say.

Really, it's a bit sad - you'd think that after a craptastic day at the office, sub-zero temperatures, super fun bra shopping (please be sure to read the sarcasm here), falling in the snow on the way down the driveway and everything in between that I'd have tons to talk about. But you'd be wrong, you just got it all, just now, right there.

So, for lack of anything else, here's some photographic proof of the fact that it's really freakin' cold here right now (well, this morning)...


Current Music: Running on Sunshine - Jesus Jackson

What Now?

Right, so many of you know about my bad bangs. If you're new to the Mandy Lou show and you need to know more about the bad bangs saga, you can find more here, here and here, oh and here - apparently I am that shallow.

Yet again I got them cut, because I am not only shallow, I am dumb - and this time it was really, really bad. So I tried to fix them and, well, let's just say that I didn't make them any better. Now they are freakishly spiky and blunt at the same time - how does that happen? Oh, right, you cut your own bangs, that's how.

What's the point you ask? The point is this, in just over two weeks I have to be perfect. I have to be amazing. I need to look H-O-T, hot. In just over two weeks I am going to a mini college reunion - I'm seeing old college roommates, one and possibly two exes.

Here's what they looked like on New Years (good times, bad bangs).

Now tell me, if the hair needs to be perfect and the bangs are currently pretty damn bad. Do I get them trimmed? Or should I let them grow out as much as possible in the next two weeks?

Who knew that three inches of hair on the front of my head could cause so much drama (on the up side, they apparently give me lots of opportunity to blog)!?

Current Music: I Know, I Know, I Know - Tegan and Sara

...Um...Yeah...So...

And now we've reached the point of NaBloPoMo where I start to run out of things to say - which really is saying something 'cause I've got a lot of random crap rolling around up in my cranium (see and I like to pull out the big words from time to time too, keep y'all on your toes).

So today, we'll go with a list of things that I'm currently addicted to:
- Re-runs of the West Wing
- Diet Coke, all right that's not new, really it's just an ongoing love affair
- Mafia Wars on Facebook
- My Burt's Bees lip balm
- Let's be real, I'm addicted to Facebook too
- Going to PetSmart to look at the kittens (they're just so cute, it makes me happy)
- Watching the thermometer drop, but addicted in a bad way - this weather is killing me
- Messing with my cuticles, they are in a bad way and I'm not making it any better
- My fuzzy socks, I get home and those bad boys go on
- Staying up way too late writing blog posts - so I should probably end with this one and, you know, go to bed.

This isn't nearly as fun as the favorite things list, but it's going to have to do - and feel free to chime in!

Current Music: Could Be Anything - The Eames Era

Body-Snatchers

You know that song by the Talking Heads, the one that goes "And you may tell yourself, This is not my beautiful wife!" - that's where I am lately (only it's my husband). Somehow my husband has been stolen and replaced with a new and improved model - and it's kind of freaking me out.

A few examples:
- On the way home Scott called and said "hey, I know you've had a long day - why don't you stop and pick up pizza so that you don't have to cook. That way you can relax when you get home."

- Yesterday he cleared all the snow off the deck for me without asking.

- As part of the new and improved post-flood basement we added a wall between the "family" room and the laundry room. But he actually took the time to add a light switch for the laundry room so that I wouldn't have to walk into the dark room to get to the old switch.

- When I got home tonight, instead of finding him with his feet up reading the paper, I found him tiling the basement floor and mudding the new wall - and doing the laundry (I swear I am not lying).

- Saturday we got through all of the carpet buying and installing and furniture moving without a single fight.

Yeah - so either aliens have come to earth and stolen my hubs or he's about to do something really bad, not sure which one just yet.

Current Music: What a Good Boy - Barenaked Ladies

There's Nothing Like It

The other day I was standing in Target, and some ladies were talking in line in front of me. The one lady said to the other, "yeah, there's nothing as good as that". Now I can't remember exactly what they were talking about, but I remember thinking, 'really, that's the best you can do?'.

Today I had a great time playing with the pup out in the snow, just running around and tossing snowballs (she loves that). So that got me thinking, what do I think is better than that (whatever it was)?

Popping off your bra at the end of a long day.
Snuggling under a down blanket on a cool night.
A nice cold beer on a hot summer day.
Playing hooky from work and goofing off for an afternoon.
Clean sheets on the bed after a shower.
Grabbing the dog and a ball and playing around in yard.
Sleeping in.

Those are a few of my favorite things, how about you?

Current Music: Adrift - Barenaked Ladies

This is Your Dance Space and This is My Dance Space

Our house is small, some might say cozy - not crazy small, but it's not much more than 1100 square feet. When we moved into the house we "finished" part of the basement to give our selves a bit more room. But, all in all, it's a fine sized house for two people.

When we finished off the basement we figured it would be a "family room", a bigger gathering space, a spot to watch movies and sports (the big TV is down there). But it turned into Scott's man cave, his place away from me. So I am left with the living room, which is just fine - it has the better lighting, the fire place, the comfy chairs and a way better view.

Generally each evening, after dinner, Scott goes downstairs and watches TV or plays his video games. Sometimes I hate that he goes down there at all (as opposed to spending time with me) and other times he can't get down there fast enough for me. Mostly it works out just fine, we each have our own spaces to retreat to and we're happy.

And then the basement flooded.

For almost two weeks I've been sharing my space. At first it wasn't bad, we watched shows that we both liked and had fun hanging out together. But it didn't take too long for it to get annoying. Not being able to watch the shows I wanted to watch, or listen to music because he was watching TV. Most nights I would feel more stressed before going to bed, because I hadn't had time to unwind the way I'm used to.

I suppose I should be saying "please don't think I don't like being with my husband". But the truth is, that at the end of the day I like to sit and eat dinner with him and talk about our days and then we each go our own way and I curl up in my chair, watch TV and goof around on-line.

So today, in an effort to restore marital bliss, we spent the day getting his man cave back in order. New carpet and new wall, and soon a new tile area (where we had the most water). Tomorrow we'll continue, I'll work on getting all the little stuff back in it's spots and Scott will work on the tile floor. For now the furniture is mostly back in place, the TV is hooked up. So Scott is happily ensconced in his man cave and I am sitting blissfully here in my chair by myself.

Life is getting back to normal.

Current Music: Up On The Roof - The Drifters

Just 'Cause I'm Not Here

See you've all been thinking I've abandoned you, that I've given up the cause of NaBloPoMo for January - that I don't want to talk about change. Well you'd be partly right.

I have been writing, just not here.

A while back I started another blog and I've been writing over there the past couple days. They're letters to my Dad - I felt like I still had a lot to say to him, so I say it there. Feel free to comment if you like, or ignore it- it's ok, that one's all about me (oh wait, so is this one).

I've been having a couple of bad Dad days, so it seemed better to write over there for the last little bit. And, in keeping with the theme of change, it doesn't seem like a bad idea to perhaps write on a new blog - see, change. Even though it's a change I would reverse if there was any way I could - to not have that blog or the reason for it would be a wonderful thing.

Current Music: Don't Forget Me - Way Out West

Tree-hugger, Really?

So I followed a random link today and found myself reading about this book. It looked interesting, maybe a good way to start the year - you know resolutions and what not. Then I decided to take the quiz.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm an: Organized Tree Hugging Extrovert

I'm really not sure how I scored as a tree-hugger (I mean I use fabric bags, but really, tree-hugger?). And organized, really? I think not.

I originally thought I might be interested in buying it, but then I decided (given the totally accurate quiz results) that if I bought it I'd only use it to knock myself out - so that's no good.

Current Music: Valley Winter Song - Fountains of Wayne

When Worlds Collide

I'm going green today, yep, I'm recycling! Yesterday it occurred to me that there are a ton of random un-posted posts, so I wondered if I could pick up where I left off (could I even remember what the heck I was talking about?). The title is the same as it started and here's the text - that I started back on the 28th of October.

What do you do when people find you? How do you avoid it? Should I avoid it? Does it really matter in the scheme of things?

A while back my sister found my blog - not that it's a huge problem, really it was ok for the most part, especially since she seems to have stopped coming by (which is awesome, 'cause now I can talk about her again, I think). But she managed to find me by searching for my photoblog and somehow she ended up here.

The root of this came from my Facebook page. When I set it up, I wasn't thinking and I put my twitter feed on it. Now really, that's not so bad - but then I thought, if some one reads this, then they could get back to my blog and do I really want my real world to know what I write here?

So I deleted the feed, just in case, but it got me thinking about how I've never told anyone about my blog. It really would be simple, and I don't think that most people I know would even bother to read it if they knew about it. And with the exception of Scott and my family, it's very rare that I mention anyone else. I know I've talked about it before, so what's the big deal?

But the more I've thought about it the more I realize that I've taken some measures to protect my privacy here and even on my photoblog. So I guess the real answer is that I really don't want other people finding this blog. And here I always thought that I kept it secret just because I didn't think anyone would be interested :-)

Current Music: With a Little Help from My Friends - the Beatles

Maybe it's No-BloPoMo

What's NaBloPoMo called when it's every other day? What ever it is, I think that's what I'm doing. It's actually kind of funny, in my "dash board" there's a draft post and a published post every other day - so it's not for lack of wanting to do it! I had yesterday's post mostly done, then ran off to dinner and forgot to finish it when I got back.

So I guess the question is, am I doing NaBloPoMo or what? Let's go with "what" - I still love the theme of Change, so I really do want to write about that, but let's face it I may not be ready to do an everyday sort of thing! And feel free to give me crap, it's not like it's soooo hard to write a bit every day, even if the carpet is soaking wet and your husband is being an ass about it.

Anyhoo, enough of that nonsense I have something far more important to tell you! I finally got my t-shrit! As you can see, I got it for Christmas, and (as you can also see) I was pretty stoked! My aunt and uncle were completely confused, but you know, they're old and they live out in the burbs - so they don't get it :-)

The rest of Christmas was ok - it was strange (of course), and hard, there were a couple of mini-break downs but really ok. See that little stocking up there behind me? That's where my Dad's stocking used to be - that was a hard thing. But, as with the trip out in September, we tried hard to do lots of family things and create new traditions. It made things easier to start over with certain things then to try and pretend that the old way was still ok.

I'd better get off to bed, I'm so not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow - a week off of work followed by two four day weekends really isn't a good way to get ready to go back to a regular work week. And promise to think about my post for tomorrow (ok, Tuesday-ish).

Current Music: Girls and Boys in Love - The Rumble Strips

The Dog Ate My Homework

No really, that's what happened to my post from yesterday, it had nothing to do with the fact that I apparently forgot to hit the post button. I'd go a head an post it except I'm afraid of the the NaBloPoMo police - you never know when they might catch you cheating.

In other news, my New Year's Day was spent as many Americans prefer to spend it - slightly hung-over, watching the Rose Parade and a lot of football. I even went to bed at 9pm (that might have had something to do with being up til 3am the night before) - all things considered it was a restful day, just the way to start the New Year.

Today I spent ALL day cleaning our photos - tossing a bunch of really bad ones, getting other ones sorted for scrapbooking and organizing all the negatives, cds and film cartridges. Even though it really did take me way longer than I had hoped it feels really god to have it done. Of course since I didn't finish my task till late I didn't help Scott with his (ripping up the carpet downstairs), so he pretty much didn't get anything done.

Oh, did I forget to tell you? Our basement flooded. Yep, Sunday night our little river turned into a ginormous river and decided to find it's way into our basement. Happily we were able to get most everything out or up high enough, so all we lost was the carpet. But if it hadn't been for the help of an awesome friend and the young and burly Firemen that came over with tons of sand bags it would have been much worse. Yeah, 2008 ROCKED - so I'm very, very glad to see the back of that year.

Even though I've already failed on the whole NaBloPoMo thing, I am trying for another picture a day this year. I really enjoyed it last year, so I decided to have another go at it - in fact I've recruited my sister, a friend and her daughter (and possibly one other friend). Come to think of it, I need to get a finder's fee or something.

That's enough randomness for now, but just because I goofed up yesterday doesn't mean I won't try to do the rest of the month - just think of it as NaBloPoMo minus one.

Current Music: Blame it on the Bosa Nova - Edie Gorme (hey, I could blame my missed post on that too)