Thursday, October 23, 2008

More Ramblings

Have I said I miss you guys lately? Yep - I guess the cloud is lifting a little bit, because I realized it's been ages since I checked in with my little blog world. That's a good sign right? Maybe it's just all the cold weather waking my lazy ass up, who knows.

Things I do know:
- My Dad died a month ago yesterday, and I didn't cry all day - just thought good thoughts and felt really ok with that.

- I am watching way too much TV - well I guess the problem is that I'm not - the Tivo is desperately close to full. But the thing is I didn't really add a lot of shows so I'm not sure if I'm watching slower or Scott is secretly filling the tivo up with his crappy shows or what.

- I am getting addicted to Facebook - it's like a sickness I swear. I've caught up with college friends, high school friends and even some elementary school friends. I even caught up with one of my college flings (it was too short to call a relationship).

- I may have started a strange "flirt-ationship" with the previously mentioned fling - it's kind of fun to reminisce about old times, but strange when the old times were mostly sex.

- My house is a mess. Another thing that happens when you are in a fog for a month, your house goes to hell. I'll be cleaning tonight and much of tomorrow, since we've got company coming on Saturday.

- Scott is my new hero. Yeah, go figure, but my darling hubby has been amazingly helpful and supportive in this whole thing. Doing laundry, taking care of all the fall clean-up stuff, doing the dishes, etc. I realize that most of that list is stuff he normally does but he's done it without me nagging and bitching and that's the wonderful part (that and having clean underwear, because if it had been up to me...).

- I am so not ready for Halloween. I haven't put out any Halloween decorations, though I did manage to get some pumpkins. I did buy some candy, the bad news is that we've pretty much eaten it all.

- I have been freezing my ass off the last couple of days. In my denial of fall, haven't gotten out the big down comforter or any of my sweaters, the result being permanently cold unless I'm attached to my space heater under my desk.

- My iPod is woefully out of date, so I've been listening to Yahoo radio at work - it's not too bad.

- We took some time to go look at the fall colors on Sunday and had a great day. It's nice to know that great days are still out there.

I guess that's all I know for sure, but it's not a bad start really.

Current Music: Outside - Aqualung

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Still Broken

    "There should be a statute of limitations on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after forty-two days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh to see it. That it is okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays."

    My Sister's Keeper
    Jodi Picoult
Today would have been the 2nd anniversary for my Dad's new heart. That sort of sucks.

I'm still here, but still broken. I haven't had any good days, most days are okay at best and some days are just pain bad. Strangely enough, work days tend to be better - even as much as I'm disliking my job these days. It seems that weekends are just to open and empty - easy for my brain to get lost in the pain.

Obviously I am not doing NaBloPoMo - it did seem like a good idea at the time, but I just couldn't do it to you guys. You have no idea how many posts I've tried to write, but they were all such serious downers (they made me more depressed and that ain't easy) I couldn't bear to post them. Trust me, you'll thank me for it one day.

Yesterday was Scott's birthday and I almost forgot it completely! I managed to pull it off by making his favorite cake and one of his favorite dinners - and got him a couple of movies. I'm not sure how long I get to use the "Dead Dad" excuse, but it worked for now.

On the upside of things - the grief diet is good, though eating as much fast food as we've been eating can't be good in the long run. And I'm getting into the office earlier, since I can't sleep much.

I'm trying to get back into the swing of things - I'll get back to reading and commenting on blogs (I miss you all!) and twitter as well. As everyone keeps telling me, it's all just a matter of time.

Sorry for the big bunch of randomness, but it seems to be par for the course lately.

Current Music: I'm watching the debate, which is as depressing as this post.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

If it's Wednesday it Must be Nebraska

Well we're back - and we're sooooo very tired.

We left Oakland at 1pm on Tuesday and arrived home this morning at 8am - so if we do the math it means we were on the road for, well a long time anyway.

Scott and I took it in shifts, sleeping and driving and eating - but we made it through. Happily that means that either of us missed a fair amount of the country due to unconsciousness or darkness, sadly though we did see most of the boring stuff.

We hit tons and tons of one-lane closures through California, Nevada, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois and Michigan. So that means that the only states we didn't have to slow down to 55mph was Utah and Indiana (which were the two shortest states of course). In fact we probably could have made better time if we hadn't hit so much construction.

Dad's little car did really well across the country - even though it was insanely fast it was a fun trip.

In case you weren't sure, I've decided to do NaBloPoMo - not that you weren't fascinated by my cross-country pictures. I'm thinking that keeping myself distracted for a while would be a very god thing. And my Dad was a huge fan of my photo-a-day at Photoblog, so it seems like a good thing.

Current Music: catching up on my Tivo, I have been gone for a bit.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

H-E-double L

I've found a new level of hell today. It's the "Stuck going 55 miles an hour in construction for practically the entire state of Nebraska (which seems to be the longest state EVER)."

Now I've got to figure out how to get it added to the book - since Nebraska wasn't around when Dante was figuring the original.

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