Wanting and Needing

To me, there is a very fine line between wanting and needing. I usually feel that I truly need the things I want. And I'm so very tired of wanting...

I feel like I'm never happy with what I have or where I am in my life, I always want more. Some would say that it's a good thing to always strive for more, but I'm finding that to want so much makes it very depressing when you can't get it. I grew up not wanting for much, so maybe I can blame my parents for this one!

It just seems that the budget is always too tight to be able to buy and do all the things I want. There's just not enough left over after all the "needs".

Then, of course, there are the "wants" that money can't buy. For instance, we want to get pregnant, but that seems to be eluding us. How do you handle that? There's just not much to be done - all though I supposed money could help us with that as well, if we had any.

I guess I'm just feeling whinny right now - we have to buy a new laptop, since our old one died, after another month of trying to get knocked-up it seems we have failed again, my mother is coming for a visit, the list goes on...

Current Music: Always In My Head - Psapp

Happy Birthday to Georgie!

Today is my dog's second birthday. Now to most people that isn't a big deal, but for us it's a HUGE deal for two reasons:

1. we don't have kids, so that means that we are those crazy people that are overly into our pets

2. she is an Airedale terrier, so it's been a long two years!

For those of you that have had a puppy, you realize just how trying those first two years can be. If you've never had the "joy" of a new puppy, here's how it goes: You bring home your sweet little ball of fluff and for the first few days you're taking it for walks, brushing, washing and taking out to go potty - loving it at every turn. Then you come home to find your favorite book (shoes, sofa, rug, wall, etc.) chewed to bits - that sweet little pup is now an evil spawn and you're wondering what you were thinking. You sign up for obedience, only to find that your puppy has selective hearing (much like your husband) and only chooses to sit, stay and come only when she feels like it. On this goes, the destruction and mayhem and you're just about to kill the dog, when that magical day comes - the puppy turns two and all of a sudden you have a normal dog, just the way you always expected it to be.

So that's how it goes if you DON'T have a terrier. By definition, terriers (any breed) are "feisty and energetic dogs, typically have little tolerance for other animals, are always eager for a spirited argument, and in general, they make engaging pets, but require owners with the determination to match their dogs' lively characters." So what that means is that it's been a LONG two years, and there are more to go. I say more, because many Airedales don't mature till they are 3 to 4 years old!

So now we're on the downhill side of puppy-hood and looking forward to many years of normal adult dog (here's the part when you knock on wood!).

Here's a poem that I thought was so cute - until I actually got a puppy!

The Life of a Puppy

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast, "I hope it's not late."

Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.

I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.

That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.

I made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."

Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.

I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."

The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"

Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.

Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, "My darling goodnight".

--Unknown

Current Music: Ohio (Come back to Texas) - Bowling for Soup

Procrastination

I even amaze myself at times - I can procrastinate with the best of them! I have so much work to do, but all this week I've been procrastinating. And it's not just at work, it's at home too!

Case in point, the cuddle bug on the right was irresistible this morning. I kept walking into the bedroom, trying to get ready - and there he was looking at me with those golden eyes saying "wouldn't you just love to come back to bed?". It's hard to resist.

Of course, he's not the only thing that can distract me on the path to getting out the door to work. There are the kittens and the dog, the birds and squirrels need feeding, the garden needs watering, the laundry needs folding (the only time I'll actually fold it!), etc..

Once I get to the office there's email and blogs to be read, conversations with co-workers, on-line shopping, posting to this blog, etc.. And then there is also work based procrastination, reading trade magazines, looking up information for designs, talking to clients longer than I really need to. So many possibilities!

And so another busy and full day passes, and I didn't get a single thing done! All in a day's work I guess.

Current Music: Fidelity - Regina Spektor

Perspective

I've been a bit depressed lately, there's a lot of crappy stuff happening in my life - and it's easy to let it all get me down. And whenever I try to focus on the positive, I find that there are so many more negative things than positive. But today in my blog wanderings, I found a post on waiterrant.net (my all-time favorite blog) that helped me put things in perspective - The Only Way is the Wrong Way.

After reading this I realize that we all have problems, some bigger than others, but we've all got them. No one's life turns out as perfectly as we all expect it to when were little, playing with our Barbies or toy trucks. I guess what it all comes down to is we need to take what we've got, the good and the bad, and make the best of our lives.

Perhaps a little deep today, but every now and then I have deep days too...

Current Music: Dirty Mind - The Pipettes

Was it Mother's Day?

I am a bad child - I completely forgot to call my mom on Mother's Day! In my defense, actually, I don't really have one! I slept in, then watched a bunch of TV. I did have a headache and I think I'm coming down with a cold - but those are pretty weak. Thankfully I sent her a card and a pair of earrings - other wise I really would have been in deep trouble (though I'm not sure she got them, since I didn't call!). Even though I'm a horrible daughter, I do hope she had a good day.

I, on the other hand, did not have a good Mother's Day. Now, I realize that I don't have actual children (we have three cats and a dog), so I don't really get to celebrate Mother's Day - but if my husband can get breakfast in bed for Father's Day, then I think it's only fair that I get something. So I requested only two things, one - that I did not have to get up at the crack of dawn to let the dog out and feed the cats and two - that I get breakfast in bed (which, given his cooking, is asking a lot). The day didn't turn out quite the way I'd planned...

Our 16 pound Maine Coon decided that he wanted breakfast at 6:30am, now that's not that out of the norm, but this time he decided to camp out on my chest and tell me about it - a bit rude really. Adding insult to injury, the puppy started barking at the squirrels and wanting out at 7am. The real kicker here was that my dear husband, the one that was supposed to be giving me the gift of NOT having to deal with this, was sound asleep!

I should really just leave the story there since that was a perfect prelude to the day - I cooked myself breakfast, the dog broke our laptop, I spilled pizza all over my new area rug, the list could go on - but you get the gist. I'm beginning to think that I should reserve Mother's Day for the real moms, after all that's who Hallmark had in mind when they made up the holiday in the first place.

Current Music: The Bitch Song - Bowling for Soup

A Little Blue

Our friend's father passed away yesterday. I didn't really know him that well, but it starts to make you think. I'm getting to the point in life where parents are going to start dying - a little unsettling. My husband's parents are both dead, but mine are still living (not always happy, but alive) - how is it going to be when they go?

My father is almost seven months post op with a heart transplant - scary huh? Makes the whole "dad dying" thing even scarier. Every once and a while I get a chill just thinking about what has gone on - the diagnosis, the wait for the heart, the surgery. It was an amazing time, and not amazing in a good way. I still don't know what to think of the whole thing. How do you wrap your head around that anyway? One day your dad is fine, and a while later, he needs a new heart and he's not leaving the hospital until he gets one! Then in the middle of the night you get a call that some unlucky soul is about to make your dad better. And now, he's up and around and doing most of the things that he used to do!

So now we'll have to go to a viewing and a funeral, and my husband will probably be thinking of his parents - and I'll be thinking how close I came to losing my dad. And even though we didn't lose him this time, we'll still lose him one day.

Current Music: The TV is on so no music, but I'm watching Without a Trace

A long time coming...

I'm guessing that you are supposed to post blogs more than once a year, and I've thought about it a lot, just haven't gotten to it. I suppose that's a cop-out or I make is sound like I'm too busy to write a blog, that's not the case - too lazy is probably more like it. Or maybe it's that I'm protective of my down-time, is blogging a worthy use of time when the house needs to be cleaned, or the dog needs walking, or ... there are plenty of things to fill in the blank.

But in the interest of mental clarity, and the fact that I have been trying to get into journal writing for more than a month - the blogging will begin in earnest!

There are a lot of topics running around my head today, in fact I'm feeling a bit ADD, though I think you can chalk that up to lack of sleep. It was a warm night last night and we still have our big winter comforter on the bed - so my dear hubby flung all the blankets onto me and then proceeded to take up most of the bed trying to stay cool. In addition, the cats were out all night (an unusual occurrence) and so we were both up multiple times in the night trying to get them all in. So, that all adds up to not much sleep and a cranky girl today (as I told a friend, I woke up on the wrong 1/4 of the bed!).

Add to that the fact that it's a warm-ish, rainy spring day and you get a lazy, not-wanting to work kind of attitude. Sadly, work doesn't do itself, and I don't get paid to not work (it would be nice though!). So back to the real world for now...

Current Music: Step It Up - The Bamboos