It's Never Been Done Before

Never in all my born days have I seen something like this. Well, not to this impeccable level of care and detail. There has never been anyone on earth who has done such a spectacular job... of cleaning the bathroom.

Apparently that's what I was supposed to say, anyway.

I came home the other day and Scott announced (with all due pomp and circumstance) that he had finally** cleaned the bathroom. I said "thanks" and went on my merry way - unloading groceries, changing my clothes and cooking dinner. He sat down and read a book for a bit, then the following conversation happened:

Scott: Well did you even look?
Me: Look at what?
Scott: The bathroom, did you look at the clean bathroom.
Me: No, is there something special about it, aside from it being clean?
Scott: Yeah, I really cleaned it. I mean really, I even wiped down the baseboards.
Me: Wow, it must be cleaner than ever. (Do you sense the sarcasm here?)
Scott: Well it's just really clean and you should go look at it, that's all.

Later I went to inspect his handy work. The bathroom was indeed clean, no cleaner than I leave it, but nice and clean. Then I noticed a few minor details...

1. He only cleaned one of the bathrooms, the one he uses.
2. There is no way he could have washed the floor - the mop was dry, the swiffer was still in the closet and I know he didn't do it by hand.
3. The shower was still dirty.

So I guess what I'm saying is if anyone would like to see a really clean bathroom, they should not come to my house.

Oh and in case you were wondering, the vacuum cleaner is still sitting in the middle of the dining room, in homage to all the hard work he did last time he "cleaned" the house.

Current Music: Scotty Doesn't Know - Lustra

** When he says finally he means because on my one day off in the last two weeks I should have cleaned it. When I say finally it means, he's been home for almost two weeks and it's taken him this long.

Dream On

I had two stress/work dreams in the early morning hours:

1. One of my bosses was yelling at me for missing an 8:30am meeting, a meeting that she had scheduled for me to meet with a client - but hadn't told me about. Now anyone who knows anything about me knows that I don't do much at 8:30am except use monosyllabic words and get ready for work. So I was yelling back that it was totally unfair of her to be mad at me when she a) knows I don't do 8:30am meetings, b) didn't tell me and c) since she rarely comes in before 10am who was she to tell me when to come in. The fight got so heated, the yelling so intense that I woke up sweating and seriously pissed off.

That was at about 4:30am and though I tried, I couldn't get back to sleep for a while. Around 4:45am I gave up and read for a bit. At some point I managed to get back to sleep again and had this dream:

2. My boss' mom needed a ride to the shop in her motor home (strange for many reasons, one of which is that she doesn't actually have one), but she wanted to drive and just have me ride with her. Once we got there I realized that I couldn't get back home to change (I had left the house without make-up or hair done or clothes on) so went in to ask the boss if I could drive his van back to my house to get ready for work. Since it was well before the time I usually get to work I figured I had time to go home and get suited up for real. But he said no, since I was there he expected me to work, I said I couldn't since I didn't have make-up on or any clothes. At that point I realized that not only was I not wearing work clothes, I wasn't wearing any clothes at all(though they did eventually re-appear)! I looked around the show room and there were a ton of people that needed help (even though none of them wanted kitchens - I'm not really sure what they wanted), so I started helping people with their questions - naked and grumbling all the way. A few clients later (and with my clothes back on) I said I was going home to change. Just as I was walking away, that person (really not sure who it was) bit or stabbed me in the back (left shoulder blade to be exact). The stabbing pain was enough to wake me up again and for good.

The odd thing is the shoulder pain bothers me when I am at work, I rarely have a problem with it anywhere else. But just dreaming about work made me the pain come back!

Not that these two dreams aren't so hard to decipher. As you know I've not been exactly pro-work. I drag my ass in here every day doing as little work as I can get away with and try not to listen to my bosses whining about sales being down (I'm making my sales so there's not much more I can do for that). But theses dreams have got me thinking that I may need to re-evaluate my job or at least how much longer I want to work for these folks.

In any event I think I see a mental health day in my future...

Current Music: Lily Dreams On - Cotton Mather

How Many Licks Does It Take?*

My house is a serious mess, but I haven't had time to clean it - and when I have had time I've been so tired all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV or read a book. I know that the house is past gross, but I'm past caring recently.

So when Scott told me that he was going to be home all week I thought, "Great, the house won't get clean, but maybe he'll do some laundry or clean up his mess on the table". Well, that hasn't been the case, all week I've come home to piles of laundry, dishes in the sink, etc. Until today...

I just got off the phone with Scott, he said that he couldn't stand another minute in the dirty house and he was in the midst of cleaning the house! Holy Mary, hell has actually frozen over!

So now we know the number of days my husband can sit around doing nothing in a filthy house before he has to clean it is 4. (May I throw in a snotty comment that if I had taken a week off and the house wasn't clean by day one that he would have started in on the snide comments by day two.)

* Alternate title is How Gross Can My House Get Before My Husband Will Clean?

Current Music: Housework - The B-52's

**UPDATE** Got home at 6 to find out the "cleaning" meant that he had vacuumed. Yep the house sure is clean...

Open Letter

To the Angry Lady in the Cosmetics Isle in Target:

If your daughter is going to throw a full on temper tantrum (throwing herself down on the floor, kicking and screaming, serious slobbery crying) in Target, then she is not old enough to wear make-up. You should not be trying to reason with her about why she doesn't need the loose powder that she wants to buy. You should not be yelling that the lip gloss she thinks she wants to buy is really concealer. You should be telling her that she isn't old enough to have any of it. You should be telling her that she is way past the age of full blown temper tantrums. And then you should take her home so that the rest of us can shop in peace.

Thank you,
Irritated Lady Trying to Buy Mascara

Current Music: Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5

Back to the Shallow End

Things have been a bit deep around here lately - and while I can be deep, shallow is so much more fun, so everyone out of the deep end!

A couple of shallow things I have been pondering:

1. I think I'm going to by Dance Dance Revolution tonight on the way home. It looks like fun and I just realized that I'm going to have to get into a bikini soon - maybe it will help. And if nothing less I'll probably be able to laugh my ass off.

2. Can lotion make you static-y? The last couple of nights at the restaurant I have had a serious issue with static. It's the same cotton/poly blend pants and a cotton apron we always wear (and yes there is a shirt) but ever since I've switched to this new lotion I can't keep my apron from clinging to my pants - and let me tell you, it's not a good look. So as of now I'm blaming the windy and warmer weather, not the lotion, but I wonder...

3. I'm trying to decide on my summer toe color. Not that only wear one color all summer long, but I tend to like to get a new color and really wear it a lot during the season. So, I've got to get that done.

4. Bangs - oh yes, they're still here, evil as ever. I just can't decide what to do with them - keep them, let them grow out? And then there's the rest of the hair - should I go shorter for summer? I'll have to pick up some trashy celeb magazines and get some inspiration.

5. Zebra print flats. There's a cute pair at target and I'm thinking I might have to have them - though buying the video game might put a crimp in that plan.

Alrighty, I guess that's it for now, but I'm sure I can come up with more shallowness soon!

Current Music: Summer's Gone - Aberfeldy