A Very Merry Un-Birthday

Day, ummm. What day is it?

2011-06-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

Right, so it's still June. At least I think it still is.

I think I've kind of missed the ball on the whole Junathon thing - again. Though in my defense I managed to go longer and for more miles than last time. But then I'm petering out instead of being taken out by injury, so... I guess we'll call it a draw then shall we? I'm not saying I'm really going to bail on the whole thing, just you know gonna scale it back to normal proportions. Or say, any other month that doesn't end in "athon".

So, the plan for the rest of the month? I think I'll for sure do some more yoga cuz that's always fun, in a ridiculously hot, sweaty way. Then I think I'll throw a couple 10ks in just for fun - cuz that too is always fun.

Not to worry, I'm not giving up, I'm just giving into the laziness...

Current Music: Theme from Star Wars (but not because I'm a geek and actually have it in my itunes, but because Family Guy is on and their doing yet another Star Wars episode).

Day Two

2011-06-02T23:59:00.001-07:00

I could have sworn it was supposed to be day three by now...

The good news is that I actually ran today, almost 3 and a half miles. Not too shabby! Though the stitch in my side that lasted over a mile. Is it good or sad that I still did it in my normal time?

Current Music: Feeling Good - Nina Simone

A Sad Start

2011-06-01T23:20:00.001-07:00

Right, so Juneathon is off to more of a whimper than a bang. I only managed a pitiful walk around the block with the pup. And I figured an equally pitiful blog post is totally appropriate.

Look, it's June!

2011-05-31T22:51:00.000-07:00

Right, so... that whole Janathon thing...

I gotta say, it was a great idea. And I really did hit the ground running - well I hit it right after I pulled myself up off the bathroom floor (since starting a running challenge on New Year's day after a very long and alcohol filled New Year's Eve isn't the easiest thing ever). I really was trying super hard (I mean I did run with a big hangover) and then... I dislocated my knee on day 5.

Needless to say, my hopes of a fabulously fit New Year kinda went down the toilet. On the upside, it was just my patella and I was up and around in no time, and back to wogging with in a couple of weeks.

So that brings us to June (I know, it's not like I couldn't blog about other stuff in the mean time, but I was busy and ...well, just scroll down to see all the other lame ass excuses I've used in past when I haven't been blogging). And what makes June so special? Why Juneathon of course!

So Juneathon is the same idea - only better weather and (theoretically) fewer hangovers. We run (or exercise in some way shape or form) every day and then blog about it. All good. Can't wait. Totally stoked for it. Only, I'm totally booked for the week and, oh yeah - I might die on Sunday. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, I may not actually die, but I may no longer have use of my feet or legs after Sunday.

See, I'm running my first half marathon on Sunday and I'm just not sure I'm going to make it. On the plus side there will be champagne and chocolate at the finish line and that's a helluva motivator. But really 13.1 miles?! What was I thinking?! I can barely run a 13 minute mile let alone stack up 13 of those in a row. And yet I have friends that do it frequently and swear that I can manage it. And I can totally walk it, there's no shame in walking right?

All right, enough whining. It'll be a cake walk right? 13.1 miles - no big deal. A month of running - easy peasy. So now I can just stress out about remembering to blog.

Current Music: London Bridges - Fergie

Three in a Row

2011-01-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

Really? Snow and hills?! Can I pick 'em or what?

Next time I think to do any "A-Thon" I need to remember not to do it in a city called Canyon Country. For the obvious reasons...

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I Double Dog Dare Me

2011-01-02T20:03:00.005-08:00

Nothing like a good dare to get me to blog a bit! So what if it took a running and blogging challenge to get me doing it, I'm blogging. Though I wonder, do I have to blog every day? 'Cause I'm managing to run every day but not blogging every day. Well I guess it's not that big a concern at this point, given the fact that it's only the 2nd day of January. So here we are on day two, and miraculously I have run both days!

Last January I logged 40.84 miles (both running and walking) so I'm kinda hoping that I can get somewhere around there. But I'm trying not to kid myself since this time last year I wasn't working and all I really had to do was get up take mom to what ever doctors appointment/clinic visit/errand was on the schedule for the day. But still if I can keep it up I'll have another good mileage month.

Anyway, onto to the running. Yesterday was lovely, sunny, warmish and

I got to drag my friend's kid with me. Today was a different story, cold, windy rainy and the wind was forever head on when ever I was going up a hill (which is kinda odd given the fact that

I went up three different hills that were pointing in three different

directions). But the good news about today's run is that I managed to get it out of the way before this happened...

Yeah, it actually SNOWED in LA today. And that's saying something, since the last time it really snowed in LA was 1989. Oddly enough it's actually sticking and staying put for now (which could be a problem since I really need to drive over the Grapevine tomorrow). At this point I'm really hoping that it's gone by tomorrow morning so I can run before I hit the road back up north.

But I guess you'll have to tune back in to find out about that tomorrow :)

Current Music: No tunes, just a House marathon on tv

Janathon Anyone?

2011-01-01T16:53:00.002-08:00

I know I'm supposed to do a post everyday for Janathon, but I'm totally out of time today (and you know, I'm kinda lazy). But know that I dragged my hungover ass out into the So. Cal sunshine and ran/walked/crawled my way through the first workout of the year!

So, consider this the post and I promise to do better tomorrow...

Current Music: Candy Shop - 50 cent

Hello Bloggy

2010-10-21T14:52:00.005-07:00

You never call, you never write...

Yet again I have remembered that I do indeed have a blog. And it's not like I don't have stuff to chat about - I have the same riveting life I've always had, I guess I've just become supremely lazy. But you know, with moving, working, mom's doctor appointments and re-runs of the Jersey Shore who wouldn't give blogging a rest?

Did you see how I did that? Slipped in a little something about moving and working with out missing a beat? I'm clever that way.

Yeah, I got myself a job - a pretty good one too. And I know this because it's the same job I had before I fell out of the smart tree, hit all the stupid branches on the way down and moved to Michigan - I'm back working for my old boss in Cali (See? That's the moving part).

It's been a bit and there's been a lot of nothings and somethings, so shall we recap?

December - Mom got sick and I came out to California for an extended "visit", if you want to consider hours of waiting in surgery and doctor's waiting rooms a visit.

January - More doctors and physical therapy, for mom, not me. For me tons of driving and the need for regular therapy and drugs. Oh, and I ran - a lot.

February - Mom started chemo and I spent my birthday sitting with her in the hospital as she gets a big old blood transfusion due to anemia from surgery and chemo. Wait, Valentine's Day is in February, right? I can't remember what that included - I know it didn't include any presents or phone calls from the Hubs.

March - I can barely remember March, though I'm sure it involved lots of doctors visits and I think we did some shopping for new hair and boobs for mom. For me, more running and yoga (and bourbon).

April - Light at the end of the chemo tunnel - and all the other medical appointments were down to a dull roar. Quiet enough to start wondering if I should head back to Michigan and resume my life as it was. Then my old boss found out I was in town and pondering a change - so he called and offered me a job.

From there it's just a blur of running off to Michigan, packing up a bunch of clothes, grabbing the dog, kissing the kitties and the Hubs good-bye and getting back to California to get back to work. Then lots of working and a lot less running and yoga, but more bourbon. And here we have ourselves in October.

Slipped another one it there didn't I? I haven't said a permanent farewell to the Hubs or my darling little kitties, just to Michigan. Though I can't guarantee that there won't be a permanent goodbye between us - things are rough and living 2000 miles apart isn't always easy (though I do sleep better with the whole bed to myself). However I can guarantee that I won't be without my kitties - I'll take being the single crazy cat lady to not having them.

That's the nutshell that has been my life thus far - it's safe to say that 2010 has been another doozy of a year. It does leave me wondering about 2011, maybe that'll be my easy year.

Current Music: Sound of Sunshine - Michael Franti

Shameless...

2010-03-31T14:03:00.002-07:00

Yeah, so it's been a loooooong time since I've blogged, and I have all sorts of ~~excuses~~ ~~rationalizations~~ really good reasons as to why I haven't been around. So why blog now? Well I figured what was a blog good for if not for shameless self promotion and winning a free prize...

So the Art of Waiting is having another contest for yet another super cute yellow toy camera - and I want it, again. All I have to do is mention them in this post (check), follow their blog and tweets (check) and shamelessly retweet about how I want to win the camera (check). So theoretically I'm a lock to win this little cutie!

As for the real blogging, I've been trying to get back to it for real. And I'm gonna, I swear. In fact, the NaBloPoMo theme for April is "Big" - and big things have been happening, so maybe...

Can't and Won't

2010-01-12T23:31:00.004-08:00

Call it semantics, but it's a big deal around here. We were raised by a man that knew his grammar. I can't tell you the number of times my Dad corrected any of us, including my mom, about the correct use of can & may, can't & won't, who & whom. He would even correct random folks (which I'm sure really made their day) And now I hear my sister drumming it into my nieces all the time "Mom, can I have that?" - her response "Sure you can, but may you?" Dad would be so proud.

But even I do it. For instance, today - as I was arguing with Scott- he said I can't change my own oil or mow the lawn. I said it's not that I can't, it's that I won't - not when there are perfectly trained individuals that can do it for me and save me time and messing up a manicure. That's simple right? But somehow he has trouble with it, somehow he figures because I won't I can't - this from a man who hasn't bought his own underwear in 17 years (I think he literally can not buy his own clothes any more).

And as annoying as I find it to be the only one shopping for my husband's clothing, that really isn't the problem I have (well, maybe it's not a problem yet, but it's got all the markings of one). At yesterday's appointment with the oncologist we were told that my mom is technically "cured" as far as the breast cancer goes - the tumors have been removed and everything looks good, but (come one, you just knew there had to be a but right?) she still has a 40% chance of the cancer reoccurring in some way shape or form. The next step is to give her some sort of protein therapy that does some magical cancer disappearing act on this particular type of cancer and her risk of recurrence goes down another 15% to 25% - so yay that's good news. The number gets even better, down to an 18% (I recall the number being smaller, but my sister and mother think it was 18%, which is another reason why I thought it was a good idea to bring a tape recorder but was voted down, but I digress...) chance of recurrence if she does the recommended course of chemo.

So what's the problem you ask? The path is clear, mom should go the distance with chemo and the protein therapy and reduce her chances of recurrence as much as is possible right? Apparently not.

I just got a call from my sister asking what I think of mom not doing chemo - saying that she just didn't want mom to have to go through all the bad stuff for 7%. She said she just doesn't think mom can do it. And while I like to agree with all the quality of life issues, I find myself in this place where I simply can't bear to think of a 7% chance of losing my mom. So how do I tell my mother - my snarky, sarcastic, uppity, non-compliant, but I can't imagine the earth without her mother - that I simply can't and I won't allow her not to make that extra 7% happen?

Current Music: Restless - Alison Krauss & Union Station

Cancer for Dummies

2010-01-10T22:30:00.008-08:00

Right, so I thought that I would be all witty by saying how "I wish there was a Cancer for Dummies book", turns out there is (and there's MORE than one). I guess now I'd thought to write this post and search Amazon before now.

This afternoon is mom's first appointment with the oncologist. Today we finally get some answers, or at least we hope so. Maybe if we'd bought "Breast Cancer for Dummies" we wouldn't be so in the dark right now. As of right now all we know is that she had two types of cancer, that she had to (and did have) a bilateral radical mastectomy, and that there was lymph node involvement. She was diagnosed in October and yet that's all we know.

She went slowly from mammogram to biopsy, biopsy to MRI, MRI to surgical consult, surgical consult to actual surgery. From there she had to take time to heal from surgery and then it would finally be time to see the oncologist. I know that I don't deal with cancer every day like these doctors do, but shouldn't there some sense of urgency? Some concern that this is cancer and could kill my last remaining parent (a thought that I am not really ready to tackle just yet)?

I'm trying to have faith that the doctors know what's going on and that we'll all get through this, but a few answers would be nice. Here's hoping that we have them later this afternoon.

Current Music: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T19:25:00.003-08:00

I've got to tell you, I'm exceptionally happy to see the back of 2009. It was not what I would consider to be a banner year. In fact, what's the opposite of banner year? Because, with a few exceptions, that's what it's been - an "unbanner year". Though, upon a little reflection, I think I could easily say that I'm glad to be rid of the whole damn decade. Sure there are some wonderful things that have happened in the last 10 years - my sister got married, my nieces were born, we bought our first house, etc. Some really great things to be sure, but then the really bad stuff seems to eclipse it all.

But since it's been a while since I've blogged, I suppose I should catch you all up... Should we go with the good news first or the bad news? I guess good news first - it's a shorter list and I hate to bum you all out too early.

- I joined a gym, and began training to run my first 5k - and now I'm about to run my third tomorrow.

- I started on anti-depressants which has helped to a certain degree, sadly it hasn't helped everything. But apparently they don't make a pill for that just yet.

- I got a two and a half week vacation to Cali, courtesy of my Mom and unemployment.

- Part of that vacation included a trip to LA and great girl's weekend with two of my three college roommates.

And now for the not so good news.

- I was able to take the vacation by getting laid off for two weeks, but when I returned to Michigan my bosses decided to make it more long term. So I've been out of work since the 22nd of September.

- Scott and I have been on the rocks, more than that - really it seems like the end, but neither one of us can figure out how to actually make it end.

- The two college roommates that I saw in September are both in the process of separation and possibly divorce as well.

- And the really big news, my Mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in October (sort of ironic to be diagnosed during National Breast Cancer Month, no?)

I will say that the silver lining of the unemployment is that it's made me available to come home and take care of my Mom. I've been in California since early December and it looks like I'll be here till the end of January at this point. Scott's none too thrilled with the situation, but it's my last parent so I'm going to do what ever needs to happen.

The not so silver lining of the unemployment is that it's made life so much more difficult - not from a monetary stand point (not that it's easy, but it's not horrible), but due to the fact that it gives me far too much time to get up in my head and stress out about all the other things going on in my life.

And of course there is the decided lack of jobs in my area - at this point I'm pondering returning to California just so I can work (well, at doing my job and not just taking a random job). Another thing that Scott's not too thrilled about, but I need to work - not only for the money, but for the mental and social aspects as well.

So, can you really blame me for being glad to get rid of 2009?

Anyway, the result of all this whining is that I'm going to make the resolution to blog more (yeah, I know you've heard it before, but I'm gonna try), to combat the psychological effects of all that bad news I've listed up there. I know deep down under all that crappy stuff I'm still there and missing writing.

Current Music: Cold Blooded Old Times - Smog

Would you like some Cheese with that Whine?

2009-08-17T19:21:00.003-07:00

I know I keep saying that I don't have a lot to write about, and in a lot of ways that's wrong. There's tons of random things rambling around up in my brain - but they just aren't that interesting. In fact, it's mostly just a lot of whining.

So every couple of days I've started a new post, trying to be witty or funny or just plain interesting - and all that comes out is more whining. Sometimes it's a matter of being tired of things, other times it's just all the things that I should be doing (but I'm not), most of the time it devolves into rambling about my job or problems with Scott. One way or the other, I get a few paragraphs into the post and find that it's really just not anything I would want to read and so why should I subject you to reading it?

I guess what it comes down to is that depression that I thought wasn't that big a deal (since I could get up and go to work and make dinner and all the basic stuff) really is a big deal. I've realized that I'm not doing lots of things that I used to love to do (writing, scrapbooking, talking to family, etc.) and instead I'm just sitting around watching tv or reading books. But if there is a silver lining to all of this it's that I'm actually fairly functional all things considered. Or maybe it's that I realize that I do miss doing all that stuff, so maybe I can make my way back to it.

Really it comes down to that fact that the little hole that I thought I was sitting in is actually a lot deeper than I thought and not only is it hard to get out of, but it's not very interesting.

Current Music: Escape Myself - Nouvelle Vague

It's a Wonder

2009-08-03T20:39:00.003-07:00

Right, so I didn't blog yesterday. But I have a really good excuse - I had nothing to write. It occurred to me that part of the reason that I haven't been writing much is because I haven't had a heck of a lot to say. And sadly, that is still the case. But I said I was going to write, so I'm going to do it (even if it is a bit lame and regurgitated).

A couple of things I've been wondering...

I wonder why I love the shallow moments of being a girl - nail polish, lip gloss, new shoes, whatever!

I wonder when the wrinkles in my forehead decided to take up permanent residence.

I wonder why leftover dinner tastes so yummy late at night.

I wonder why my husband can't manage to put an empty soda can in the recycling bin.

I wonder why everyone here has to call it "pop" instead of "soda" like everyone else.

I wonder why the first day I look for airfares they're super cheap, but the day that I go to buy the tickets everything goes up $50 to $75.

I wonder why it takes so long to get an appointment with a new doctor, really are there that many people that need check ups?

I wonder why sitting in the sun has to be so bad for you when it feels so wonderful.

I wonder how I always manage to get one cat hair in my newly painted nails (all right that one isn't really a wonder as much as an irritation).

I wonder how much longer I can manage to duck my sister's calls.

I wonder if I'm the only person kind of freaked by the new Prius commercials.

I wonder what "Adult Hits" are on satellite radio - sounds kinda scary.

I wonder if they can do laser hair removal on the bikini line, 'cause I'm tired of waxing and shaving - not one of the brighter points of being a girl.

I wonder how bad the new G.I. Joe movie is going to be and why I really want to see it.

I wonder what I'm going to think of to write for tomorrow...

Current Music: Careless Whisper - Seether (I'm not much for remakes, but this one isn't too bad)

Tomorrow I Will Blog

2009-08-01T19:48:00.003-07:00

Right, so last month's theme for NaBloPoMo was "routines" - and I had high hopes of getting back into the routine of blogging. I miss reading, I miss writing. But then there are so many things that I miss lately - lots of things that I haven't been doing that I should be.

The new theme for the month is "Tomorrow". So tomorrow I will blog (and go to the gym and clean my house). I'll do my best to do the NaBloPoMo thing, sometimes I just need a little self imposed guilt to get me back into the swing of things.

See you tomorrow...

Current Music: Killing the Blues - Robert Plant and Allison Krauss

Routines

2009-07-02T20:31:00.003-07:00

The topic of NaBloPoMo for July is Routine. And (as always) I'm not saying that I'm for sure gonna do it, but it's a cool topic. So it's tempting...

Especially given the fact that my routines are about to be blown all to hell for the next week. That's right, it's vacation time! I'm headed home to Cali, for a whole week, no holiday drama (just the regular kind) and Scott free, which means that I'll be able to see my friends with out hearing him sigh heavily (you know that exasperated "I can't believe that I have to endure this again, you're sooooo gonna owe me for this" kind of sigh).

My plans as of this moment are to see a whole lot of friends and a bit of family. In between all that, I'm hoping to spend some time in my old stomping grounds - walk around Noe Valley (stop at my favorite jewelry shop), head out to Livermore and maybe do a little wine tasting, drive along the coast and sit by the ocean.

That's a biggie, sitting by the ocean. I REALLY need to do that. When anyone around here says "beach" they mean the lake - and that's nice, it's sandy and there's nice water. But to me it's just not the same, it's not a "real" beach. I need waves and salt air - that's a beach. And I'm not even sure why I feel such a compelling need to do it, but I do. I can't wait to dig my toes into the sand, sit down and breathe.

As for all the other stuff, I know I'm trying to squeeze a lot in, but I just really feel this need to reconnect with my family, my friends and my home. Ever since I decided to go, I almost cry I'm so anxious to get home (which really is strange, since usually I sort of dread going home). I'm not sure I really get it, but hopefully once I get there things will get clearer.

And we'll see about NaBloPoMo.

Current Music: Daydreamer - Adele

Crisis of Mid-Life Proportions - Bad to the Bone

2009-07-01T17:56:00.001-07:00

And now back to the Mid-Life Crisis already in progress...

I've always been a pretty good kid, done what I was told, when I was told to do it. Curfews, yes ma'am. Cut classes, no sir. But I have to say that, for the most part, it was pretty easy to be good. Of course nothing comes that easily, there had to be a few sticking points, right?

When I was growing up I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced. According to my Dad, only bad girls had their ears pierced (you know the kind that broke curfew and went around with guys on motorcycles - and probably hung out with Danny Zuko and Kenickie). So I waited, and waited. By my senior year I'd figured that I'd have to get it done when I moved out - clearly that was going to be the deal. But then, for my High School graduation, I was given a pair of amethyst earrings - a lovely gift from my Father of all people. Off to college I went, a bad girl with pierced ears.

But by then, everyone had multiple piercings. I wasn't bad enough, I needed more! I'd finally turned I'd turned 18 and boy did I make up for lost time - the final count six. Each piercing drove my Dad nuts, and by the time I got the navel piercing he was shocked, but he was getting so used to me showing up with new jewelry that he just said "well, at least it's not another hole in your head".

So imagine my Dad's reaction if I'd ever gotten a tattoo! That would have been a doozy! He would have assumed I was doomed to a life of Motorcycle gangs and teasing my hair. (Though, in his defense he did fairly well when my sister dropped trow at a family dinner and showed off her new tattoo. And in her defense she turned out pretty all right, tattoo and all.)

Poor reaction or not, I've always wanted a tattoo. Always. And not just because it would piss off my Dad, and not because my sister got one - I just dig them. You'd think that I'd have gotten one before now but the fact of the matter is that I've never really figured out what I wanted to have on my body for the rest of my life.

I didn't want to be that old lady with a Winnie the Pooh on her ass, and I really don't want anything that's your "traditional" tattoo (you know, anchor across the chest, heart with "Mom" in the middle). And I really didn't want to be the gal that got a tattoo in just the wrong spot and by the time she was 50 you couldn't read it anymore because it was so stretched out. So I've waited, figuring that if I ever happened to find the right thing, at the right time and figure the right place - then I would get a tattoo.

A month or so after my Dad died it occurred to me that the two things that define me the most and are most dear to me are my family and my California roots (did I ever tell you that I'm a fourth generation Californian? Yeah, me and Cali go way back.).

So keeping those two things in mind (and of course gravity and likely fat deposits), I finally go my tattoo!

It's a golden poppy, California's state flower - along with the word "Eureka!", the California state motto (which means "I have found it", and was reportedly said when they first found gold - which coincidentally was when my family moved to California).

I. Love. It.

As a friend of mine said "it's your soul", and she's right. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, I now have my soul on my ankle.

It's been almost a month now and every morning I look at it and smile - thinking of California, of where and who I come from. Although every now and then I catch a glimpse of it and giggle, thinking "hey, I'm a bad girl with a tattoo!".

Way back when I first started writing this post, I hadn't gotten the tattoo. Everything was still sort of coming together. Plus I really was worried that some would consider it to be a mid-life crisis sort of thing, (Scott thinks that's what it is, in fact he asked a number of times if it was permanent). But really, with the exception of getting this tattoo in mid-life, there is nothing mid-life crisis about it. Just me finally figuring something out about myself, but maybe that's what a good mid-life crisis can do for you.

I'm sure my Dad is looking down on me from somewhere, shaking his head. But hopefully a little bit happy that I've finally figured out what my family history means to me (even if it means being such a bad girl).

Current Music: She Moves in Her Own Way - The Kooks

Oh, and for those of you playing at home, cojones. I'm guessing that I must have been thinking about how scared I was of the pain, which, as it turns out, really wasn't that bad!

The Trifecta

2009-06-21T04:55:00.003-07:00

June is a usually a good month - well at least I used to think it was. Really, what's not to like? When we were young it was the beginning of warm weather and summer vacation, camp, sleeping in, goofing off with friends till the sunset then running home for dinner and then heading back out for more. I suppose getting older makes June a little less magical, more bridal and baby showers to go to or weddings attend, maybe having to deal with those irritating teens hanging out at the mall. But it's still the beginning of summer - even if we don't quite celebrate it the same.

When I lived in the Bay Area summer didn't really get into full swing till August, but June usually held those first few peeks at what was to come - it meant that San Francisco could actually get to 70 degrees and we could shed our sweaters and go for lunch outside. In Oakland, you could get out a pair of shorts and walk the dogs late into the evening (as long as the fog didn't roll in).

Once I moved to Michigan I really learned to appreciate June - by June Spring has usually sprung and then sprung away. The farmers market is starting to get the first real harvests in, all the geraniums that the little old ladies planted in May are blooming all over the place, and the grass is green - no matter which side of the fence you look on. And it means the beginning of an incredibly busy season of parties, hanging out with friends on the beach and generally soaking in every bit of sun, sand, water and fun that you can so that it can keep you warm all winter long.

So all things being equal, June should rock - and it did before my Dad died. June used to be a big month for our family, it was sort of an end of the season of celebration (all of our family's birthdays are over by June, so June was the last big deal till the holidays). It started off with Dad's birthday, going right on to my parent's anniversary and then rolling on to the big day, and always my Dad's favorite, Father's Day. When my brother-in-law came on the scene we celebrated his half-birthday in June (long story, but it makes June all the more fun) and when my nieces were born we had another dad to celebrate. June was a great month in our house and now it's just turned into the Trifecta of Crap-tastic-ness (a newly coined term, feel free to use it!).

As this June approached and Father's Day got closer I've been desperate to find a way to deal with today. Should I just hide out? Should I go out and celebrate with other dads? How can I make the day ok - still enjoy it as much as he did when he's not here. And then it occurred to me - baseball. I may not be able to celebrate with my Dad, but I sure can go do something he loved almost as much as Father's Day (well, probably more, the man did love baseball). So we're off to watch the Tigers take on the Brewers, we'll sit in the sun, eat hot dogs, drink beer, sing take me out to the ball game and maybe (if I'm really channeling Dad) I'll listen to the radio broadcast and score the game like he used to (but probably not, since it's kind of dorky and we used to make fun of him for doing it). Hopefully it will be a good day, we can be happy for the time we had with him and enjoy what he loved - Father's Day and baseball.

But could you all do me a favor? Hug a Dad for me today.

Current Music: Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Random Post on a Random Word

2009-06-04T12:53:00.005-07:00

I was just going back to an old draft post to try writing it again. I gave it a quick read through and then started a few edits. As I got to the end I found the word "cojones" at the bottom.

I haven't the faintest clue as to why it was there, I'm not really sure what it has to do with what I was writing about or why I might have written it in the first place. And yet there sits at the bottom of the post. I might just leave it there to see if you're all paying attention.

Some times I crack myself up.

Current Music: Far Away - Ingrid Michaelson

I'm Here...Kind Of

2009-05-17T18:39:00.003-07:00

Just checking in quickly.

In the good news category:
- Scott got a real job (well kind of).
- That real job comes with real health insurance (instead of the expensive half-assed version that we had before).
- Because of that insurance I've finally decided to get my sorry ass into therapy.
- I got to drive off to DC to meet up with my dear friends to go to the Big Gay Hoedown again.
- I got a sassy new hair cut a month ago, and the bangs are good (I know, I can die happy now, right?)
- It is finally green here, mostly.
- I'm still employed, for now.

In the bad news category:
- The real job that Scott got only helps us go broke more slowly.
- The therapist as diagnosed me as clinically depressed (which I really didn't think I was, but hey, now I can get some cool drugs if I want to).
- I got a ticket on my way back from DC - that sucked.
- It's still freaking freezing here, we've had like 3 warm days and I've either been out of town or in the office.
- I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be employed, or how much longer I want to be employed.

Other than all that I'm soooo in the middle of my little mid-life crisis. Darn it, I started it without you guys, now I'm in the middle of it and you all don't even know about it. Let's just say that I've done some less than healthy things (less than health for my emotional well being and possibly for my marriage) and am now reaping the rewards. Once I get my head clear(er) I'll report back.

But know that I'm here, mostly. I'm reading your blogs, checking in with you all - even though I'm not commenting much. Really I'm trying to dig out of this hole I've found myself in.

Current Music: We Made You - Eminem

Crisis of Mid-Life Proportions - A Post of Many Parts

2009-02-24T01:52:00.002-08:00

Happy Blogoversary to me! Wow, has it really been three years? No, not really - more like two, but still, that's pretty good right. Apparently I really do have that much random crap to discuss with myself.

I did have an ok birthday. I tried hard not to be too sad or mopey. I did things that I wanted to do - did my nails and toes, cleaned up some of my scrapbooking stuff, took the dog for a drive, hung out with Scott and generally had an ok day. Of course my brain never really stops, so there was bound to be some sadness.

One of the many things that my never-stopping brain decided to roll around was my looming mid-life crisis. Not that I have to have one mind you, just that I think I am. The last couple of months have had me examining my life, where I've been and where it could be headed. I'm not certain that it's truly a mid-life crisis and if it is I don't know if it could be attributed to to my dad's death, my age, the economy or anything else. One thing I am certain of I am both profoundly unhappy and dissatisfied with my life.

So this posts is a kick-off for a series posts on the different parts of my mid-life crisis. I'll try not to bore you with all of them all at once, or maybe I will - get it all off my chest and see if that helps at all. If this doesn't work I'm going to have to start saving up for my little red sports car and the hot blond to go with it.

Current Music: World Waits for You - Son Volt

p.s. Don't you just love the little things I found at Disney Land - I tried to buy the little sign, but the clerk said it was a display item only. I would have tried to take it, but you know, it's Disney and that's just not right.

Another Year Older and Deeper in Debt

2009-02-22T13:06:00.004-08:00

Yep, it's that time of year again, well almost - my birthday is tomorrow.

Remember when birthdays were a magical day? There were presents, balloons, a cake with candles (maybe a pony if you were lucky). What happened to that, why do adult birthdays have to be just like any other day? It seems like once you get past those milestone birthdays of 16, 18 and 21 adult birthdays are pretty much just another reminder that you are getting older.

And this one is going to be particularly tough - this will be my very first birthday with out my Dad. I'd never really thought about it but there are only two people (well, one now) that have been part of my life for every one of my birthdays. Sure I have aunts and uncles, and my sister has been around just two years less - but it's just not the same.

Right now the thought of having a birthday tomorrow makes me want to crawl into bed and cry for days on end. All my friends have been super nice, calls and cards and birthday wishes - but the thought of tomorrow coming is absolutely devastating. I know Scott is worried, but I haven't told him what's going on in my head - I don't want to get into that with him right now.

I've decided to take tomorrow off - the day is already going to be miserable enough, I don't need to make it worse by going to work. But I really don't know what to do with myself. Should I go do something interesting, go to a museum an art gallery (do they even have those here?) or maybe I go to a mall and spend sometime window shopping (because even though I am about to be a year older I'm really doing my best to stay out of debt). Perhaps I'll go get a mani-pedi and get my hair done.

One way or the other, I think that I'll be spending it quietly. And part of the time will be alone, and that's ok.

Current Music: February Air - Lights

Oh What A Night

2009-02-11T17:27:00.011-08:00

I should start out with the requisite apology for goofing up the end of NaBloPoMo and not having been around for a bit. But I really don't have much of and excuse for not being around, besides a severe case of what my sister would call "Head Up Ass" disease. I did bail on the last day of NaBloPoMo, but I have a number of reasonable excuses - I was in a different time zone, I was entertaining someone else's children in Disneyland, I'd already messed up NaBloPoMo anyway, oh and I was at my super important reunion (also called the mini Slug-Fest-Love-Fest-Drinking-Fest).

It was pretty damned awesome! It's been almost 13 years since I'd seen all my old roomies and almost 20 since we'd lived together, yet we were able to pick back up as if no time had passed. Sure we were all a bit older, maybe a few more pounds here and there, but no worse for wear. Some of us had kids, some weren't working, one was having an affair, and one had a nice new set of boobs (none of those are me by the way) - but all still in good shape and still the same bunch of fun gals we always were.

Oh, and did I say we all looked pretty good? 'Cause we did. My one roomie said that "almost 40 is the new 20" - maybe she's right. Oh and I'm pretty sure I pulled off the H-O-T, hot bit as well ("you are hotter now than you even were in college" - a direct quote from the Ex) - even with the bangs.

After plenty of girl chatter and gossip the once "Fearsome Foursome" (our nickname way back in our Freshman year) got all tarted up and headed out to the bar to meet the rest of the Slugs. The group was supposed to include one Ex per roomie (yep, we broke hearts and took names once upon a time), plus a couple of floor-mates from our Freshman and Sophomore dorms. The "rest" of the group ended up being only be my Ex and one other friend. Oh, and my Ex brought his wife - which actually turned out ok, she was really nice (and incredibly tall and could kick my ass in a hot second, so I have to say she was nice right? :-).

Anywhoo, we headed out to the restaurant and proceeded to eat, drink and relive old times (strangely they included a lot of talk about how my Ex and I hooked up all those years ago - the good news is that his wife took it in good form). We kept talking, eating, drinking and laughing till we realized that we were getting a bit too loud for the rest of the restaurant patrons. We knew we weren't done with the evening so we headed on to some random country bar around the corner (which you really wouldn't expect to see in the trendy part of San Diego, and yet...).

At some point between trying to get me on the mechanical bull and the tequila shots we started to really have a good time! The guys tried out a little table dancing - which was frightening (and managed to get the bouncers over to our table). I'm fairly certain that at least one of the girls had a little spin on the pole (clothes on). But the night couldn't end there! Not long after, we all ended up on the roof top bar dancing and drinking well into the wee hours of the morning. Sometime around 3am we dragged ourselves back to our room and into bed.

We all managed to drag ourselves out of bed the next morning and down to breakfast. I'm not sure that we did any better than we did 20 years ago, but we all made it through the night not too much worse for wear. We enjoyed a breakfast and shared a small bottle of Advil and started making plans for the next reunion.

I guess the good news is that I've got a year to recover.

Current Music: So Long, Farewell, Bye Bye - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Help Me....

2009-01-30T20:53:00.000-08:00

Apparently the "Happiest Place on Earth" actually means the loudest, whiniest, kid-clogged, long lines ever. I'd forgotten that Disney land was so "magical"!

More later, must sleep now.

Welcome to Disneyland

2009-01-29T19:09:00.002-08:00

I made it to LA. Got to Disney and totally surprised my nieces - it was great! Day one of the happiest place on earth done. Best news yet, it's 70 degrees and sunny - yay.

Good and Bad

2009-01-28T20:50:00.003-08:00

Up at 6am - good

Worked till 8:30pm - bad

Only got in one fight with Boss - good(ish)

Was still at the market at 9pm - bad

Ate dinner at 10pm - bad

Packed til just now - bad

Done blogging, going to bed - good

Getting on a plane tomorrow - very good

Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies

2009-01-27T19:19:00.004-08:00

NaBloPoMo is hard, it always seems easy when you say "sure that sounds like fun", but it's not easy (and periodically it's not even fun). And as the end of the month nears the search of blog fodder becomes more and more desperate. Happily my girlie KimmyK has come to the rescue today!

Kimmy's given me questions before, and they were fun - so let's hope these are as much fun and the last time (maybe they'll be funnier?)

1) What's the one article of clothing you can't live without?
Huh, well if it's a specific item I'd have to say my bra, but not just a regular old bra - it has to be one of the Victoria's Secret Very Sexy bras. They're awesome, little push up and a bit of padding (to reduce embarrassing chilly situations). Sure they rename the stupid thing every couple of months so I have to go out and buy a new one thinking it's something different - but all in all it's something I can't live without.

2) What's the one thing your husband does that gets on your nerves?
Does breathing count? 'Cause sometimes... I kid, really.

Probably the whole not listening thing. It kills me how many times I have to tell him stuff and how much time I spend repeating myself. Every once and a while he surprises me and hears me, but most of the time I think I could just record myself and then take off on vacation (hey, come to think of it, I should probably do that before I leave).

3) What's your own worst habit?
I don't have any, silly! Um, this is actually hard - I'm sure that Scott would have a list for you. If it's a grooming habit, I'd say that I pick at pimples too much, I'm probably lucky that I don't have more scaring from messing with them. I'm sure I have others, but let's go with that one.

4) Perfect Sunday afternoon-what is it? Where are you, who you with, and whatcha doin?
I think that it would be at our friends beach, hanging around in the sun, swimming, cooking dinner and enjoying it all together. Scott, our friends, their kids - our local family. Simple, easy, fun - all good things.

5) What's your weirdest obsession?
That's kind of a moving target - my Dad and I always sort of felt like we both have (well he had) adult hobby ADD. Every time I take up a hobby I really take it up. So right now it's facebook and my photo of the day. In times past it's been blogging or twitter, cross-stitching or quilting or painting (I went through a strange thing where I spent a lot of time painting picture frames and lamps - if it wasn't nailed down or moving I painted it).

I've gotta say, these were harder than the last ones I think - or maybe it's that my brain is running on fumes right now (I really need to get some sleep).

And with any good game there are rules so if you'd like to play along, just follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (please make sure I have your email cause that helps when trying to actually email someone)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. Be sure you link back to the original post.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

Current Music: Wanna Fly - Vassy

Making a List

2009-01-26T19:20:00.003-08:00

I'm making a list and checking it twice! Maybe I'm overly anxious for this trip to LA, or maybe I just need to get out of town for a bit - I'm guessing there are actually plenty of answers. But the closer I get to leaving, the longer my to do list gets...

1. pack
2. laundry
3. get suitcase out of attic (get second suitcase out, in case I over pack)
4. do toes and nails
5. shave (hey it's winter and I'm married, so?)
6. buy cat food so that they don't starve
7. figure out what to pack (I guess that should come before pack)
8. get bangs fixed (still not totally sure about this one)
9. go buy travel sized everything
10. book shuttles to and from airport in LA
11. clear up the tivo, so I can tape a bunch more stuff
12. go to the market to buy Scott all the frozen food that he'll need to survive
13. continue with the 100 crunches a day, tan in a can and teeth whitening so that I don't look like a mid-winter midwesterner (again why didn't anyone tell me that you gain at least 5 pounds over winter that you've got to take off before beach season - so unfair)

I think that's it for now, but I'm sure it will get longer before it gets shorter.

Current Music: Dude, I just said I had to get the tivo cleared!

This Might Get Me Fired

2009-01-25T17:16:00.003-08:00

Dear Boss,

Thank you for ruining my weekend.

Why did you have to call me yesterday to ask such and inane and condescending question? What is it that makes you think that I don't do my job correctly and that you need to call me on my day off to ask me about it? Thanks for calling and making me so mad that I screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration - upsetting my cats, dog and husband. Thank you for making me so mad that I have stewed on it all weekend.

I have worked for you for three and a half years and I have sold a lot for your business, I've made you a lot of money. And yet, somehow you've now decided that I can't do my job. Just because the economy is bad does not mean that I am not doing my job, perhaps people are just not buying they way they used to.

Do you think that I am secretly telling them to buy elsewhere? That I am sabotaging your business? I ask you, what good would that do me?

But you call on a Saturday, asking why I didn't get back to some one and do I have the email to prove that I sent the files. The answer is this I didn't get back to the person because I ran out of time this week, because you were out of the office all week and I had to do your job and my job. The answer is that your wife told me specifically not to work any over time this month, and so I would have gotten in trouble with her if I had stayed the extra couple of minutes to make the call. And as for the email question, if you knew a computer from your a**hole you'd know how to set up my email so it went through the database system and tracked it all.

What have I done to make you not trust me? I've trusted you all this time, trusted you when you said that you would give me a raise (but you didn't), trusted you when you said you would pay my commission on certain sales (but you didn't). I've worked on Saturdays and evenings, I've answered calls on vacation, while I was home in California grieving with my family and if I recall correctly (the day was rather hazy) you called looking for a file a few hours after I had called to tell you that my Dad had died. I've given more than my all for you and you've treated me like crap.

I used to love my job, I loved working for you guys. Now I just want a way out.

Your (previously happy) employee,
Mandy Lou

You Have Questions

2009-01-23T17:13:00.004-08:00

Today's post is brought to you by Single and the letters TGI and F...

1. Why did you start blogging?
All the cool kids were doing it, so...

Actually I heard a woman on NPR talk about how she blogged and she and her husband kept in touch that way when he was traveling. And it's not that Scott travels and he certainly doesn't blog, but I went and read her blog and I realized that it wasn't just wackos that blogged - normal people wrote about every day things. And I figured why not?

2. What was one your favorite movies in the past year and why? You can pick a movie from the theater or DVD.
I really didn't see a lot of new movies this year. I guess I'd have to say Sex In The City - it was fun and funny, and I left smiling. I also saw Twilight (I know, just don't hold it against me), it was good, but not as good as it needed to be.

3. If there was a fire and you could only take five things (not including pets and important papers), what would they be?
As long as the cats, dog, papers and hubby are good (wow, did I put Scott at the bottom of that list - that's probably bad) then the list would be as follows.

1. The Photo Albums
2. The Laptop (it's got all the recent, non-scrapbooked photos)
3. Mutt-Mutt LeMutt, yeah - my favorite stuffed animal. I've had him since I was ten, he sits by my bed every night, and some days - those really bad days I still sleep with him. One day I'll introduce you all to one of my oldest and dearest friends.
4. Our Antique Maps, we have a nice collection of antique maps - I'd do my best to grab as many of them as possible. Not just because they are expensive, but because a fair number of them were purchased on trips like our honeymoon or other vacations.
5. And two little figurines from my grandparents, they sit next to one another - a bronze bell from Brazil (that kind of looks like Carmine Miranda) and a reproduction of The Kiss by Rodin.

Crap - I just realized, would my purse be included in the "important papers"? If not, that's gotta bump something since that pretty much always has my keys, cell phone and digital camera - things I'm thinking I would need a lot right after a fire (well maybe not the house keys).

4. Name one goal you have set for the next year. You can pick your easiest or lamest one if you want.
Have a better year - that's my one and only goal. 2008 was such crap, I want 2009 to be better, it doesn't have to be a lot better - just not as sucktastic as 2008. It doesn't seem like a huge goal, but it's a big one for me.

5. What is your favorite TV show and least favorite?
Many of my favorite TV shows have been bugging me, so I guess I'd say that the show that is annoying me the least is re-runs of The West Wing and my least favorite is... well, everything else.

Current Music: Far Away - Ingrid Michaelson

If Only

2009-01-22T20:43:00.003-08:00

If only I could come up with something clever to write about.

If only I could get someone else to clean my incredibly messy house.

If only I could figure out a way to get some sleep.

If only I could not have to go to work tomorrow.

If only I could get Scott to finish the basement.

If only I could just spend a couple of days in bed.

If only I could find those winning lotto numbers - that would pretty much solve all but the first one (actually that would be pretty good blog fodder)!

Current Music: She Moves In Her Own Way - The Kooks

This and That

2009-01-21T20:23:00.003-08:00

Seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel here... apparently my life is really boring (well, except for the flood, the car on the river, and maybe a few other things). So here's a bunch of randomness for you - 'cause it's all I got.

* I am incredibly tired of medical shows about transplants. Every now and then there's a transplant episode, and it gets me every time. Damn transplants, damn broken organs, damn TV. (And don't even get me started on all the dead dads on TV lately!)

* My Mom called to let me know that the "final resting place" that we chose for my Dad had to be moved across the "garden". It's no big thing, but it's just sort of surreal to be at work, talking to your Mom about the merits of his ashes being on the sunny side vs. the shady side of a garden filled with lots of other people's ashes. I suppose I should care, we're getting the "family plan" - Scott and I will be there one day.

* The car is still in river, only the front half, but now the river is freezing around it and I have no idea when or how they are going to get it out. Worse yet, since Scott was the one to call emergency services he ended up getting a bunch of calls from the Sheriff, the humane society (the idiot was on the river chasing after his dog) and the news paper. Somehow we've become a side show in this red-neck drama.

* Back to the bra shopping - what I really need is a bra that moves the back fat forward. Why didn't anyone tell me that some time after thirty, no matter how thin you are, back fat happens? How is it that my ass began growing up my back at the same time that it starts falling down? And is there a bra that can fix it?!

* I went to a meeting of the local photo club tonight - I'm not sure if I'm going to keep at it. The people were nice, but I'm not sure if my photos are up to snuff. It's not a big time commitment, and it might be fun. I really love how my perspective on things has changed since I've started taking a picture a day - I look at the world a little differently, and maybe this club will continue to foster that.

* And three years ago today we adopted a cute little ball of Tortoiseshell fluff - and right now she's doing a great job of keeping my neck warm and probably helping me keep my hold on the little patch of sanity that I can still lay claim to.

Current Music: Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

A Big Day Here

2009-01-20T18:49:00.003-08:00

Yeah, big, big day here - I woke up this morning, knowing that it was going to be great, but wow. I was floored.

I mean how many times in your life are you going to see some dumb-a** redneck drive a car down a frozen river and then watch that car stall and sink - all in your own back yard? Really, an historic event (if by historic you mean it only happens once or twice a year).

Oh and there was an awesome inauguration in Washington, but you know for me it was all about the car in in the river.

Current Music: Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo - Tracy Byrd

What's Your Number?

2009-01-19T19:59:00.004-08:00

Do you watch Coupling (if not, really you should be - but not the American version, the real one)? There's this scene in one of the episodes where all the girls (Susan, Sally and Jane) are talking about who was in each others speed dial. The best part comes when one of the girls asks Jane who her number one speed dial was and she said "I don't know, I haven't met them yet".

It got me thinking about my speed dial situation. Number one is voice mail - which annoys me, I'm a gown up (mostly) and I think that I can decide who my number one is. Number two is Scott and number three is my sister. But really, even with the Verizon enforced number one selection, those first three really are my most dialed numbers.

Here's the problem. I haven't taken my Dad off of my speed dial - he's number four (heck some days I called him more than Scott and my sister combined - which means I probably should have mad him number 5, since 2+3=5). Somehow I can't manage to take it off. I know that if I should accidentally click on the number it's not going to go anywhere. I know that it's going to bring up a picture of him on the screen, and probably make me cry - but I really can't manage to take him off my phone.

Part of me thinks it's ok to leave it - my brain knows not to dial 4 (most of the time), it knows that other keys lead to the people that I can actually talk to. And what if I change it and start dialing all the wrong people - think I'm call up my sister at midnight here/9pm there and accidentally call my boss? It could be speed dial anarchy - and no one wants that.

But then I think, maybe it's time for a change, shake things up a bit - maybe bump Scott down a number or two, perhaps I should put my good friend that I never call enough higher up. And maybe I should leave a few open, what I haven't met my number one or at least my new number four?

Current Music: All Good Things - Nelly Furtado

I Don't Want To

2009-01-18T19:11:00.004-08:00

Why is it that at some point (I'm guessing that it's somewhere around puberty - sooner for some, perhaps a bit later for others) we are no longer allowed to stamp our feet and have a big old temper tantrum? I would really like to just throw a big old fit, not every day - just every once and a while. Is it so wrong to not want do something, and just every once and a while say it really emphatically?

Since I'm not allowed to I think I'll just do it here...

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to clean the house. I don't want to shovel all the snow. I don't want to go grocery shopping. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone or deal with pain in the neck clients or my bosses. I want to sit on my butt and do absolutely nothing - for a good long while. And I want everyone to get over it and leave me alone!

Ok, thanks, I'm feeling a bit better now. Maybe we should do this again sometime.

Current Music: A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley

p.s. I'm not going to apologize for not posting yesterday, I figured that I've already messed up the NaBloPoMo thing - so one more day off isn't going to kill me. And you know, I didn't feel like it - so there.

I Think This Could Work For Me

2009-01-16T18:33:00.003-08:00

I have found my new spiritual path - I really see this working for me. Here's the general premise:

An amazing man named John C. Parkin came up with it, I think it's clarity and ease really speaks for it's self. It is "The Fuck It Way" - it is now my way. If you want to follow the way, you can get the book, or join the facebook group, or of course sign up to be a "Fuckiteer".

My life is now complete - all I have to do is say "Fuck It"!

Current Music: Fuck Me Pumps - Amy Winehouse

(You know what I love most, is that I DID NOT MAKE THIS UP - this is real!)

Running on Fumes

2009-01-15T20:31:00.008-08:00

The tank is running a bit low, I'm running out of things to say.

Really, it's a bit sad - you'd think that after a craptastic day at the office, sub-zero temperatures, super fun bra shopping (please be sure to read the sarcasm here), falling in the snow on the way down the driveway and everything in between that I'd have tons to talk about. But you'd be wrong, you just got it all, just now, right there.

So, for lack of anything else, here's some photographic proof of the fact that it's really freakin' cold here right now (well, this morning)...

Current Music: Running on Sunshine - Jesus Jackson

What Now?

2009-01-14T19:39:00.006-08:00

Right, so many of you know about my bad bangs. If you're new to the Mandy Lou show and you need to know more about the bad bangs saga, you can find more here, here and here, oh and here - apparently I am that shallow.

Yet again I got them cut, because I am not only shallow, I am dumb - and this time it was really, really bad. So I tried to fix them and, well, let's just say that I didn't make them any better. Now they are freakishly spiky and blunt at the same time - how does that happen? Oh, right, you cut your own bangs, that's how.

What's the point you ask? The point is this, in just over two weeks I have to be perfect. I have to be amazing. I need to look H-O-T, hot. In just over two weeks I am going to a mini college reunion - I'm seeing old college roommates, one and possibly two exes.

Here's what they looked like on New Years (good times, bad bangs).

Now tell me, if the hair needs to be perfect and the bangs are currently pretty damn bad. Do I get them trimmed? Or should I let them grow out as much as possible in the next two weeks?

Who knew that three inches of hair on the front of my head could cause so much drama (on the up side, they apparently give me lots of opportunity to blog)!?

Current Music: I Know, I Know, I Know - Tegan and Sara

...Um...Yeah...So...

2009-01-13T19:47:00.003-08:00

And now we've reached the point of NaBloPoMo where I start to run out of things to say - which really is saying something 'cause I've got a lot of random crap rolling around up in my cranium (see and I like to pull out the big words from time to time too, keep y'all on your toes).

So today, we'll go with a list of things that I'm currently addicted to:
- Re-runs of the West Wing
- Diet Coke, all right that's not new, really it's just an ongoing love affair
- Mafia Wars on Facebook
- My Burt's Bees lip balm
- Let's be real, I'm addicted to Facebook too
- Going to PetSmart to look at the kittens (they're just so cute, it makes me happy)
- Watching the thermometer drop, but addicted in a bad way - this weather is killing me
- Messing with my cuticles, they are in a bad way and I'm not making it any better
- My fuzzy socks, I get home and those bad boys go on
- Staying up way too late writing blog posts - so I should probably end with this one and, you know, go to bed.

This isn't nearly as fun as the favorite things list, but it's going to have to do - and feel free to chime in!

Current Music: Could Be Anything - The Eames Era

Body-Snatchers

2009-01-12T20:24:00.006-08:00

You know that song by the Talking Heads, the one that goes "And you may tell yourself, This is not my beautiful wife!" - that's where I am lately (only it's my husband). Somehow my husband has been stolen and replaced with a new and improved model - and it's kind of freaking me out.

A few examples:
- On the way home Scott called and said "hey, I know you've had a long day - why don't you stop and pick up pizza so that you don't have to cook. That way you can relax when you get home."

- Yesterday he cleared all the snow off the deck for me without asking.

- As part of the new and improved post-flood basement we added a wall between the "family" room and the laundry room. But he actually took the time to add a light switch for the laundry room so that I wouldn't have to walk into the dark room to get to the old switch.

- When I got home tonight, instead of finding him with his feet up reading the paper, I found him tiling the basement floor and mudding the new wall - and doing the laundry (I swear I am not lying).

- Saturday we got through all of the carpet buying and installing and furniture moving without a single fight.

Yeah - so either aliens have come to earth and stolen my hubs or he's about to do something really bad, not sure which one just yet.

Current Music: What a Good Boy - Barenaked Ladies

There's Nothing Like It

2009-01-11T19:14:00.004-08:00

The other day I was standing in Target, and some ladies were talking in line in front of me. The one lady said to the other, "yeah, there's nothing as good as that". Now I can't remember exactly what they were talking about, but I remember thinking, 'really, that's the best you can do?'.

Today I had a great time playing with the pup out in the snow, just running around and tossing snowballs (she loves that). So that got me thinking, what do I think is better than that (whatever it was)?

Popping off your bra at the end of a long day.
Snuggling under a down blanket on a cool night.
A nice cold beer on a hot summer day.
Playing hooky from work and goofing off for an afternoon.
Clean sheets on the bed after a shower.
Grabbing the dog and a ball and playing around in yard.
Sleeping in.

Those are a few of my favorite things, how about you?

Current Music: Adrift - Barenaked Ladies

This is Your Dance Space and This is My Dance Space

2009-01-10T17:39:00.003-08:00

Our house is small, some might say cozy - not crazy small, but it's not much more than 1100 square feet. When we moved into the house we "finished" part of the basement to give our selves a bit more room. But, all in all, it's a fine sized house for two people.

When we finished off the basement we figured it would be a "family room", a bigger gathering space, a spot to watch movies and sports (the big TV is down there). But it turned into Scott's man cave, his place away from me. So I am left with the living room, which is just fine - it has the better lighting, the fire place, the comfy chairs and a way better view.

Generally each evening, after dinner, Scott goes downstairs and watches TV or plays his video games. Sometimes I hate that he goes down there at all (as opposed to spending time with me) and other times he can't get down there fast enough for me. Mostly it works out just fine, we each have our own spaces to retreat to and we're happy.

And then the basement flooded.

For almost two weeks I've been sharing my space. At first it wasn't bad, we watched shows that we both liked and had fun hanging out together. But it didn't take too long for it to get annoying. Not being able to watch the shows I wanted to watch, or listen to music because he was watching TV. Most nights I would feel more stressed before going to bed, because I hadn't had time to unwind the way I'm used to.

I suppose I should be saying "please don't think I don't like being with my husband". But the truth is, that at the end of the day I like to sit and eat dinner with him and talk about our days and then we each go our own way and I curl up in my chair, watch TV and goof around on-line.

So today, in an effort to restore marital bliss, we spent the day getting his man cave back in order. New carpet and new wall, and soon a new tile area (where we had the most water). Tomorrow we'll continue, I'll work on getting all the little stuff back in it's spots and Scott will work on the tile floor. For now the furniture is mostly back in place, the TV is hooked up. So Scott is happily ensconced in his man cave and I am sitting blissfully here in my chair by myself.

Life is getting back to normal.

Current Music: Up On The Roof - The Drifters

Just 'Cause I'm Not Here

2009-01-09T19:12:00.003-08:00

See you've all been thinking I've abandoned you, that I've given up the cause of NaBloPoMo for January - that I don't want to talk about change. Well you'd be partly right.

I have been writing, just not here.

A while back I started another blog and I've been writing over there the past couple days. They're letters to my Dad - I felt like I still had a lot to say to him, so I say it there. Feel free to comment if you like, or ignore it- it's ok, that one's all about me (oh wait, so is this one).

I've been having a couple of bad Dad days, so it seemed better to write over there for the last little bit. And, in keeping with the theme of change, it doesn't seem like a bad idea to perhaps write on a new blog - see, change. Even though it's a change I would reverse if there was any way I could - to not have that blog or the reason for it would be a wonderful thing.

Current Music: Don't Forget Me - Way Out West

Tree-hugger, Really?

2009-01-06T11:11:00.006-08:00

So I followed a random link today and found myself reading about this book. It looked interesting, maybe a good way to start the year - you know resolutions and what not. Then I decided to take the quiz.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and

found out I'm an:

Organized Tree Hugging Extrovert

I'm really not sure how I scored as a tree-hugger (I mean I use fabric bags, but really, tree-hugger?). And organized, really? I think not.

I originally thought I might be interested in buying it, but then I decided (given the totally accurate quiz results) that if I bought it I'd only use it to knock myself out - so that's no good.

Current Music: Valley Winter Song - Fountains of Wayne

When Worlds Collide

2009-01-05T19:40:00.000-08:00

I'm going green today, yep, I'm recycling! Yesterday it occurred to me that there are a ton of random un-posted posts, so I wondered if I could pick up where I left off (could I even remember what the heck I was talking about?). The title is the same as it started and here's the text - that I started back on the 28th of October.

What do you do when people find you? How do you avoid it? Should I avoid it? Does it really matter in the scheme of things?

A while back my sister found my blog - not that it's a huge problem, really it was ok for the most part, especially since she seems to have stopped coming by (which is awesome, 'cause now I can talk about her again, I think). But she managed to find me by searching for my photoblog and somehow she ended up here.

The root of this came from my Facebook page. When I set it up, I wasn't thinking and I put my twitter feed on it. Now really, that's not so bad - but then I thought, if some one reads this, then they could get back to my blog and do I really want my real world to know what I write here?

So I deleted the feed, just in case, but it got me thinking about how I've never told anyone about my blog. It really would be simple, and I don't think that most people I know would even bother to read it if they knew about it. And with the exception of Scott and my family, it's very rare that I mention anyone else. I know I've talked about it before, so what's the big deal?

But the more I've thought about it the more I realize that I've taken some measures to protect my privacy here and even on my photoblog. So I guess the real answer is that I really don't want other people finding this blog. And here I always thought that I kept it secret just because I didn't think anyone would be interested :-)

Current Music: With a Little Help from My Friends - the Beatles

Maybe it's No-BloPoMo

2009-01-04T18:59:00.003-08:00

What's NaBloPoMo called when it's every other day? What ever it is, I think that's what I'm doing. It's actually kind of funny, in my "dash board" there's a draft post and a published post every other day - so it's not for lack of wanting to do it! I had yesterday's post mostly done, then ran off to dinner and forgot to finish it when I got back.

So I guess the question is, am I doing NaBloPoMo or what? Let's go with "what" - I still love the theme of Change, so I really do want to write about that, but let's face it I may not be ready to do an everyday sort of thing! And feel free to give me crap, it's not like it's soooo hard to write a bit every day, even if the carpet is soaking wet and your husband is being an ass about it.

Anyhoo, enough of that nonsense I have something far more important to tell you! I finally got my t-shrit! As you can see, I got it for Christmas, and (as you can also see) I was pretty stoked! My aunt and uncle were completely confused, but you know, they're old and they live out in the burbs - so they don't get it :-)

The rest of Christmas was ok - it was strange (of course), and hard, there were a couple of mini-break downs but really ok. See that little stocking up there behind me? That's where my Dad's stocking used to be - that was a hard thing. But, as with the trip out in September, we tried hard to do lots of family things and create new traditions. It made things easier to start over with certain things then to try and pretend that the old way was still ok.

I'd better get off to bed, I'm so not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow - a week off of work followed by two four day weekends really isn't a good way to get ready to go back to a regular work week. And promise to think about my post for tomorrow (ok, Tuesday-ish).

Current Music: Girls and Boys in Love - The Rumble Strips

The Dog Ate My Homework

2009-01-02T19:13:00.002-08:00

No really, that's what happened to my post from yesterday, it had nothing to do with the fact that I apparently forgot to hit the post button. I'd go a head an post it except I'm afraid of the the NaBloPoMo police - you never know when they might catch you cheating.

In other news, my New Year's Day was spent as many Americans prefer to spend it - slightly hung-over, watching the Rose Parade and a lot of football. I even went to bed at 9pm (that might have had something to do with being up til 3am the night before) - all things considered it was a restful day, just the way to start the New Year.

Today I spent ALL day cleaning our photos - tossing a bunch of really bad ones, getting other ones sorted for scrapbooking and organizing all the negatives, cds and film cartridges. Even though it really did take me way longer than I had hoped it feels really god to have it done. Of course since I didn't finish my task till late I didn't help Scott with his (ripping up the carpet downstairs), so he pretty much didn't get anything done.

Oh, did I forget to tell you? Our basement flooded. Yep, Sunday night our little river turned into a ginormous river and decided to find it's way into our basement. Happily we were able to get most everything out or up high enough, so all we lost was the carpet. But if it hadn't been for the help of an awesome friend and the young and burly Firemen that came over with tons of sand bags it would have been much worse. Yeah, 2008 ROCKED - so I'm very, very glad to see the back of that year.

Even though I've already failed on the whole NaBloPoMo thing, I am trying for another picture a day this year. I really enjoyed it last year, so I decided to have another go at it - in fact I've recruited my sister, a friend and her daughter (and possibly one other friend). Come to think of it, I need to get a finder's fee or something.

That's enough randomness for now, but just because I goofed up yesterday doesn't mean I won't try to do the rest of the month - just think of it as NaBloPoMo minus one.

Current Music: Blame it on the Bosa Nova - Edie Gorme (hey, I could blame my missed post on that too)

'Cause I'm Dumb That Way

2008-12-31T13:09:00.005-08:00

So I'm thinking about doing NaBloPoMo for January, I know it's insane. But maybe I need a little insanity in my life, since it's been all too real for the last little bit. Also, I really miss my blog, I feel guilty that it's sitting out there all by itself. Not to mention the fact that I miss all of you, so I see this as a way to get back in the swing of reading and writing.

The theme for the month is Change, and I think I could really get behind that - change that is. I've had some change and I need some change (both in the literal and the monetary sense). I promise not to be too much of a downer, there must be good changes in the near future, right?!

So get ready for way too much Mandy Lou, coming soon to a blog near you. And in the mean time have a fun/safe/joyous/peaceful/awesomely drunk (take your pick - I'm going with 1, 5 and hopefully some 3) New Year's celebration.

Current Music: Mamma Mia - Abba

It's Been a While

2008-12-24T20:26:00.003-08:00

"Forgive me Internet, for I have sinned - it's been a month since my last blog post."

I'm still here. I'd like to tell you that I've just been so busy with the holidays and things, but in reality (with the exception of making a billion holiday cards) I've been reading, watching a lot of tv and generally lazing about.

Since it's been a while I'll give you the highlights:

- Thanksgiving was good, fairly uneventful. But it was the beginning of a downward trend; the stress of buying presents, getting plane tickets to go home for Christmas, thinking about what Christmas would be like without my Dad there, etc.

- A tree almost fell on the house the other day. High winds took out a huge chunk of my favorite tree and missed the house by inches. It did manage to ruin a fair amount of the fence and part of the gutter - but nothing too serious. Happily it happened on the one "warm-ish" day last week so it wasn't too horrible to clean up (not that I did any of it, but I'd hate for the tree guys to freeze).

- I've been in California for the last 6 days, I've done little to nothing and yet barely had time to see friends. Though I can honestly say that I've already had my fill of family and am seriously looking forward to my flight back east.

- It has been grey, rainy and generally shitty weather 5 of the 6 days that I have been home. Apparently California didn't get the memo that I come here for the sun. Also, my Mother has decided that the house is warm enough at 55 degrees. I've been freezing cold for all 6 days - though I'm looking forward to a thaw tomorrow (I guess we turn on the heat for company).

- Since Hanukkah is so late this year, Scott and I are celebrating it here - which is strange, since it's always been our personal celebration, but good strange. My nieces have been learning all about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa at pre-school so they are really digging lighting the candles and playing dreidel, and I think Scott is enjoying sharing it all with them. I'm a bit jealous that it's no longer something that is only ours, but we're all having such a great time creating a new family tradition that I expect I'll get over it.

- Scott and I are on the verge, of what I don't know. But I know that neither of us are handling the stress of losing my Dad, the holidays or the problems of the economy very well. I expect we'll be fine if we can get through another couple of months, but it's making an already bad time even worse.

- Even on that verge of what ever it is, we are seriously starting to consider moving. I have no idea how we will pull it off financially, but if the economy in Michigan continues it's ride to hell in a hand basket then we're loading up the truck (again) and getting out of Dodge (no pun intended, but my Dad would be proud :-). I'm thinking Seattle or Portland, possibly Philly - my only requirements for me are a big city, near water and at least a 1-2 hour plane ride from my family.

- On the Dad front, I'm not really feeling Christmas. I didn't decorate the house, I barely bought any presents, and if my Mom hadn't made me come out to California I doubt that I would have left home.

This sort of sums it up nicely (well except for the warm and fuzzy ending):

And oddly enough, the Grinch was always one of my Dad's favorites, so maybe that's a good sign. I'm hoping for a better Christmas next year - but not holding my breath just yet.

I'm off to bed (it's the only warm spot in the house!) - so I say to you, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and/or Happy Kwanzaa!

Thankful

2008-11-26T21:03:00.001-08:00

At first I couldn't think of what to be thankful for today - but then I read all of your comments. So thank you, one and all! Thank you for your advice and support and words of compassion. Once I got to that point, I realized that perhaps there are other things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving day...

I'm thankful that I had such a great dad, one that I can miss and love and be sad about. Wouldn't it be worse if I didn't, isn't it better to mourn all the funny, wonderful little things?

I'm thankful for the family that I have, while they are hurting too - they are loving and supportive. They're crazy and they are a pain in the ass too, but they're mine and that's a good thing.

I'm also thankful for the furry-four-legged members of my family, they have done a great job of keeping me somewhat sane. I put a lot of faith in the power of a purr and a wet puppy nose.

I'm thankful that we all are healthy and relatively happy (you know, except for the moments of crushing grief).

And I'm thankful that Scott and I will have a nice small dinner together tonight, just a quiet day to sit, eat and relax. No traveling across the country with millions of others, stuck in line waiting for some teen-age TSA agent to tell me what I can and can't bring on the plane (I'll save that excitement for Christmas).

As I really got to thinking I realized that there are a ton more that I could think of, but given the fact that they are all relatively shallow I'll leave the list here. And hope all of you have great things to be thankful for and wish you all a wonderful and safe holiday!

Current Music: In My Place - Cold Play

I'm Ok, You're Ok

2008-11-24T19:03:00.008-08:00

I have turned into a liar. I don't exactly do it on purpose, but it seems the safe track. See, what happens is people ask how I'm doing, and I say "I'm ok". And the fact of the matter is that I'm not ok, I'm decidedly un-ok. But I really don't want to burden those people with that, they're just trying to be polite. And what do you say to the person who lost her dad?

I've even resorted to telling Scott I'm ok. He knows I'm not, but I know he's tired of asking and hearing the truth, so I lie. My mom asks, and because I know that she's just as broken I lie to her too. Every once and a while I'll tell my sister, but she never really has the time to hear it, and same as my mom she's just as broken.

But if I can't tell anyone, how do I deal with the un-okness of it all? Who do I tell that I hate having to wake up everyday and going into the office when all I really want to do is sit and watch TV or read one of my Dad's books. And if I can't tell any one how un-ok I am how do I get back to being ok?

Current Music: Hope for the Hopeless - A Fine Frenzy

Speaking of Secrets

2008-11-19T19:12:00.002-08:00

I was going to wax philosophical about how great Tuesday's BlogSecret was (and it was, don't get me wrong - I loved telling my secret and sending it out there - not to mention reading other people's).

But then I started thinking that this blog is nothing but secret. Hell, I'm sitting right next to my husband, and he has no idea that I'm writing on my blog. He knows I read them, he knows I comment on them, but somehow he's either never considered that I have one or never thought to ask. Now I know Scott's not the brightest, but I also know that I'm not exactly truthful with it when it comes to this blog. Though I wouldn't lie and tell him that I don't have a blog, I certainly would be somewhat evasive if he asked.

So that got me to wondering why I keep this a secret from him. And I don't truly have the answer to that one. I'll have to ponder that.

Current Music: Let Me Out - Ben's Brother

Shhh, it's a Secret

2008-11-17T21:01:00.002-08:00

I have a secret for you, and it's really good - and the best part is that it's not mine!

Well before my sister and her husband were married or even dating, he and I went skinny-dipping in a druken stooper one night. We did "hook-up", but that was all. He would "casually" bring it up to me in the following weeks, months and once or twice a year. Once he started dating my sister, it was never discussed again. If she ever found out, I know her marriage and our relationship would be over. It would not matter that it was well before (5 years) they ever got together. He knows about it, I know about it and my best friend knows. We will ALL take it to our graves.

In case you're wondering whose juicy little tidbit that is, the answer is I don't know. Today there are 90 some-odd bloggers taking part in "Blog Secret" a fantastic idea of Nilsa's (feel free to check out the list of participants on her blog). We've all exchanged secrets and are posting them for one another.

So my secret is out there somewhere, and I'm not sure where - and I'm kind of ok with that!

Current Music: Liar - 8mm

H8

2008-11-15T09:13:00.003-08:00

A couple of my favorite bloggers (you can read the posts here and here) have tackled this issue recently and then a friend asked me to Join the Impact and help protest against this ridiculous proposition. And I'm happy to join in, since the residents of my former home state surprised and disappointed me greatly, I'm happy to take a moment to say "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU ALL THINKING?!".

Are these people unclear on the fact that almost every time legislation has been enacted to revoke the rights of people, that said legislation has been repealed at some point in future? Are they unclear on the fact that our country was based on expanding rights for one and all and not limiting them?

I realize that many people think that it's abominable for people of the same sex to get married, perhaps you think it's against God or against Allah or just against Nature - you are all allowed to have those opinions, because we live in the United States of America. But because you live in the good old US of A you are also allowed to marry that really cute British guy or marry that sweet Asian girl, Christians can marry Muslims, Jews can marry Atheists - in short we have the right to marry the person we love no matter the skin color, ethnicity or religion. So why can't that right be extended one logical step farther?

Many of you may say, well I don't have a problem with them being together, I just have a problem calling it "marriage" - it would ok to call them "civil unions" or something similar. To those people I say, go back to your Junior High school history books and social studies, and re-read the part about "Separate But Equal". Or do you remember just how well that worked out for our country?

And if we really need any help understanding this whole thing, all we really need to do is go back and take a peek at the Bill of Rights:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

It seems quite clear to me, now if only I can manage to convince the rest of those people.

(Take a peek here to see where it all started and then head over here to join in!)

Current Music: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow - Amy Winehouse

Do You Believe?

2008-11-12T20:30:00.006-08:00

So, do you believe in angels? I never really thought I did, maybe I still don't - I'm not sure.

Why do I ask? Because I think I met one today.

I was driving along the river today, and I saw what looked like a Navy ship docked in our little "terminal". I couldn't quite see what it was at 45 miles per hour, so I flipped around and pulled into the parking lot. Even at a stand still I couldn't figure out what type of ship it was (at least I know not to call it a boat anyway). So I grabbed my camera, thinking I'd send it to my Dad and ask him what it was, when I realized that I couldn't (it's those little moments that suck). I took a moment, regrouped and then got out of the car to take some pictures anyway. I figured that I'd show Scott, maybe he would know.

Just as I was getting back in the car a big truck pulled up and an older gentleman waved me over. I figured he needed directions or something, I was wrong. He had seen that I was taking pictures and so he started telling me that the ship had arrived this morning, that it was the recently commissioned USS Freedom, that it was here to be fitted with some of it's artillery at our Coast Guard station. Then he proceeded to tell me about the special coating on the hull and all the other "stealth" features. I started to laugh to myself - this man was telling me all the things that my Dad would have known and would have been telling me!

So today I believe in angels, because today I was having a bad day and today my Dad came to tell me that it was ok.

Current Music: I Have a Dream - ABBA (everyone needs a little ABBA now and then!)

The Morning After

2008-11-05T18:38:00.004-08:00

Usually the morning after an election is like any other for me - breakfast, work, lunch, work, home, dinner, bed. Never anything to write home about, just another day - no real changes to speak of. Sure there might have been an election the day before, but nothing had really changed.

Until this morning. This morning I woke up with a sense of excitement, a sense of change - even (dare I say it) a sense of hope.

Sure, there has been plenty of talk about hope, talk about change - and oh, how I wanted to believe it. But I just couldn't let myself. What if I bought into it, only to be let down by the American Public? What if I let my expectations get the best of me?

In the days leading up to the election I started to let my excitement get the better of me, thinking that perhaps the voting public wouldn't let me down yet again. I thought maybe, just maybe the people of the United States could see this candidate for who he is - a smart man, an amazing orator, an inspired leader of communities, a young man with a family, a man who's story is so very American. But I still wondered, could they see all that, see past the color of his skin?

So I put that little spark of hope away. But I kept hearing the buzz, seeing the signs and that little spark kept growing - enough so, that when I went into the elementary school gym to vote yesterday I found myself grinning stupidly. I was actually about to vote for someone, not just vote for the lesser of evils (or worse yet just vote against someone else). I practically skipped out of the polling booth I was so pleased!

When the first results started coming my heart sank. Thank you Kentucky, clearly the nation is not ready to be hopeful again, not ready for change. Thank you New Hampshire for your help, but your 3 electoral votes just aren't going to get us there. Then votes from Pennsylvania came in and I found myself saying, maybe "we can". Then the flood gates seemed to open as state after state turned blue, states that hadn't been blue in a very long time, states that you would never have expected to turn blue (not even if they collectively held their breath) were turning blue. And the spark grew and grew, like the Grinch's heart on Christmas morning.

And now here we are on the morning after. We all have a new President, and I have hope. Hope for our country and it's future - something I've not had for a very long time. I have something else as well, I have pride. I'm so proud of my countrymen and women, I'm proud that we were all able to come together and choose hope, I'm proud that it was the best voter turn out in 45 years, I'm proud that we have all been able to share in such a hugely historic moment.

Current Music: Fanfare for the Common Man - Aaron Copeland (feeling a bit classical today - but seriously, go listen to it. It will give you chills to go with your hope.)

Clocks

2008-11-02T18:58:00.003-08:00

I managed to set all my clocks back today. Most of the time, I tend to miss a clock or two - then I end up making myself late by looking at the one clock that I managed to miss.

The best news is that I fixed the strange time-space-continuum thing that was happening in the morning. I would wake up in the morning, and between waking up and getting to the bathroom (about 10 feet away) I would lose six minutes. I would wake up at 6:58am and in the bathroom it would be 7:04.

Right, I know that really, it was just a problem of two clocks being off - but every morning it weirded me out. And yet, I didn't fix it. I even put it on my "to-do" list, and I still didn't fix it. Until today, that is.

So by tomorrow morning the rip in the continuum should be mended, I should be a little more rested since I "gained" my hour and I should be able to get to work in a more timely fashion. Well, two out of three isn't too bad right?

Current Music: No music, I've been clearing off the Tivo today - right now, it's the Amazing Race.

More Ramblings

2008-10-23T11:29:00.004-07:00

Have I said I miss you guys lately? Yep - I guess the cloud is lifting a little bit, because I realized it's been ages since I checked in with my little blog world. That's a good sign right? Maybe it's just all the cold weather waking my lazy ass up, who knows.

Things I do know:
- My Dad died a month ago yesterday, and I didn't cry all day - just thought good thoughts and felt really ok with that.

- I am watching way too much TV - well I guess the problem is that I'm not - the Tivo is desperately close to full. But the thing is I didn't really add a lot of shows so I'm not sure if I'm watching slower or Scott is secretly filling the tivo up with his crappy shows or what.

- I am getting addicted to Facebook - it's like a sickness I swear. I've caught up with college friends, high school friends and even some elementary school friends. I even caught up with one of my college flings (it was too short to call a relationship).

- I may have started a strange "flirt-ationship" with the previously mentioned fling - it's kind of fun to reminisce about old times, but strange when the old times were mostly sex.

- My house is a mess. Another thing that happens when you are in a fog for a month, your house goes to hell. I'll be cleaning tonight and much of tomorrow, since we've got company coming on Saturday.

- Scott is my new hero. Yeah, go figure, but my darling hubby has been amazingly helpful and supportive in this whole thing. Doing laundry, taking care of all the fall clean-up stuff, doing the dishes, etc. I realize that most of that list is stuff he normally does but he's done it without me nagging and bitching and that's the wonderful part (that and having clean underwear, because if it had been up to me...).

- I am so not ready for Halloween. I haven't put out any Halloween decorations, though I did manage to get some pumpkins. I did buy some candy, the bad news is that we've pretty much eaten it all.

- I have been freezing my ass off the last couple of days. In my denial of fall, haven't gotten out the big down comforter or any of my sweaters, the result being permanently cold unless I'm attached to my space heater under my desk.

- My iPod is woefully out of date, so I've been listening to Yahoo radio at work - it's not too bad.

- We took some time to go look at the fall colors on Sunday and had a great day. It's nice to know that great days are still out there.

I guess that's all I know for sure, but it's not a bad start really.

Current Music: Outside - Aqualung

Still Broken

2008-10-15T19:03:00.002-07:00

"There should be a statute of limitations on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after forty-two days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh to see it. That it is okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays."

My Sister's Keeper
Jodi Picoult

Today would have been the 2nd anniversary for my Dad's new heart. That sort of sucks.

I'm still here, but still broken. I haven't had any good days, most days are okay at best and some days are just pain bad. Strangely enough, work days tend to be better - even as much as I'm disliking my job these days. It seems that weekends are just to open and empty - easy for my brain to get lost in the pain.

Obviously I am not doing NaBloPoMo - it did seem like a good idea at the time, but I just couldn't do it to you guys. You have no idea how many posts I've tried to write, but they were all such serious downers (they made me more depressed and that ain't easy) I couldn't bear to post them. Trust me, you'll thank me for it one day.

Yesterday was Scott's birthday and I almost forgot it completely! I managed to pull it off by making his favorite cake and one of his favorite dinners - and got him a couple of movies. I'm not sure how long I get to use the "Dead Dad" excuse, but it worked for now.

On the upside of things - the grief diet is good, though eating as much fast food as we've been eating can't be good in the long run. And I'm getting into the office earlier, since I can't sleep much.

I'm trying to get back into the swing of things - I'll get back to reading and commenting on blogs (I miss you all!) and twitter as well. As everyone keeps telling me, it's all just a matter of time.

Sorry for the big bunch of randomness, but it seems to be par for the course lately.

Current Music: I'm watching the debate, which is as depressing as this post.

If it's Wednesday it Must be Nebraska

2008-10-02T14:37:00.005-07:00

Well we're back - and we're sooooo very tired.

We left Oakland at 1pm on Tuesday and arrived home this morning at 8am - so if we do the math it means we were on the road for, well a long time anyway.

Scott and I took it in shifts, sleeping and driving and eating - but we made it through. Happily that means that either of us missed a fair amount of the country due to unconsciousness or darkness, sadly though we did see most of the boring stuff.

We hit tons and tons of one-lane closures through California, Nevada, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois and Michigan. So that means that the only states we didn't have to slow down to 55mph was Utah and Indiana (which were the two shortest states of course). In fact we probably could have made better time if we hadn't hit so much construction.

Dad's little car did really well across the country - even though it was insanely fast it was a fun trip.

In case you weren't sure, I've decided to do NaBloPoMo - not that you weren't fascinated by my cross-country pictures. I'm thinking that keeping myself distracted for a while would be a very god thing. And my Dad was a huge fan of my photo-a-day at Photoblog, so it seems like a good thing.

Current Music: catching up on my Tivo, I have been gone for a bit.

H-E-double L

2008-10-01T19:42:00.001-07:00

I've found a new level of hell today. It's the "Stuck going 55 miles an hour in construction for practically the entire state of Nebraska (which seems to be the longest state EVER)."

Now I've got to figure out how to get it added to the book - since Nebraska wasn't around when Dante was figuring the original.

One Down

2008-09-30T16:21:00.002-07:00

Just over Donner Summit. So we're almost out of California - that just leaves 8 more states to go.

The Looking-Glass Room

2008-09-28T11:21:00.005-07:00

"She was up on the chimney-piece while she said this, though she hardly knew how she had got there. And certainly the glass was beginning to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist...In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room...Then she began looking about, and noticed that what could be seen from the old room was quite common and uninteresting, but that all the rest was a different as possible."

Through the Looking Glass (And What Alice Found There)
Lewis Carroll

That's been my life since Monday - common, but as different as possible. One minute we're joking and laughing, the next crying inconsolably. The crying usually comes when I realize that he's gone, the laughing when we think of a good time or funny memory.

The hard moments are when I go to ask Dad about something, where does he keep the flags, or did he remember to tivo the new Grey's Anatomy? And then I realize that there's no one to ask.

The service was lovely - you should have seen how many people turned out - people he knew from work, people from his transplant team and support group, tons of friends and family. I can only hope to be that lucky when it's my turn.

We've taken care of all the mundane and horrible things that need to be done, the autopsy, the services, the cremation, the "final resting place". It's sort of like trying to put together a wedding in three days, only you can't concentrate because your brain isn't working right and you're crying all the time.

There is a bit of good news, if it can be considered good news, his transplant team decided to request an autopsy. His passing was not due to his transplant, the heart was as good as it could have been - it was a pulmonary embolism. So perhaps September 22 was the number no matter what. I guess the good news is that I can stop being mad at the transplant team now - and just go on being mad at the universe.

As much as I needed to see my family, hug my Mom, kiss my Nieces, cry with my Sister and Brother-in-Law and sit with my Uncles and Aunts - I now need to go home. I need to get back to my house, where the pain is less real and somehow softer. I need to get away from the bickering (I don't care if we order a vegetable platter for the wake), the decision making (I really don't care if my Dad is in a bronze box or a marble box - what I really want is to not have to put him in a box) and the tears of others. I need my time to grieve and see how truly deep the wound is and how, if it's possible, to heal it.

I'm pondering taking on NaBloPoMo for October, just as a way to keep my mind busy - but I haven't committed to it yet. In other odd/interesting news, my Mom wants us to take his car (both of ours are old and getting a bit out of shape - and she doesn't really want to deal with it), so we may be driving across country in a day or two. That's gonna be one wild ride!

And thank you all (my legion of devoted readers) for your kind thoughts. Friends make anything easier to bear.

Current Music: The Funeral - Band of Horses

The Number is Up

2008-09-22T20:04:00.003-07:00

A while ago I wrote about my Dad's days being numbered - today his number came up. My Dad is gone.

I was about to walk out the door for work when my sister called. Now it's never a good thing if my sister is up at 6:30am (on so many levels), so I wasn't expecting anything good - but I wasn't expecting this. How do you prepare yourself for that?

He hadn't been feeling well for a while, he'd been light headed and short of breath and he went to the clinic (the special post-transplant clinic that took care of him) - but both times he went they said they couldn't figure out what the problem was and they sent him home. He was having problems, but we didn't expect this.

I'm trying to remember that these last two years, since his transplant have been borrowed time - just extra, special time. But mostly I'm just in shock and feeling incredibly lost.

We're headed home to California for a week to take care of my Mom. Thankfully my sister has done what she does best- she took charge of everything and most of the basic details are covered. I'll be gone for a bit, but I'll be back.

Current Music: Solitude - Billie Holiday

Blocked Up

2008-09-17T21:07:00.002-07:00

Not dead, not stuck without power post-hurricane, not trapped in a box by a serial killer. Just Blogger-block.

I am lacking anything for anything funny, witty, interesting or otherwise "blog worthy". Mostly I've just been a big old Debbie Downer. But my horoscope said:

This would be a perfect week to spend some time alone.

And so far it's been right. It has poured rain, there's been sunny days, the cats have been crazy, the dog is filthy, the husband is his usual PITA (pain in the ass) self and work is as spectacular as it always is. That's been my week.

My current bright and shiny moment is the purchase of two new shades of OPI polish. The new fall collection is absolutely awesome, and now "Yes I Can-Can" and "You Don't Know Jacques" are mine (and I'm pondering buying another one or two).

Sort of sad when the high point of your week is nail polish, but you take it where you can get it.

I Remember...

2008-09-11T08:21:00.009-07:00

I remember waking up to the news on the radio and wondering what was going on.

I remember waking Scott up, screaming and crying over the things I was seeing on the television screen.

I remember watching in horror as the towers collapsed under their own weight.

I remember thinking that the whole country seemed to be under attack.

I remember going to work, but not wanting to leave the car for fear I would miss something on the news.

I remember wondering if my Uncle was in D.C. for work, and feeling selfishly thankful that he no longer had an office in the Pentagon.

I remember hearing that another plane was missing and later hearing that it had crashed en route to Washington.

I remember being glued to the television, absorbing the images of destruction and heroism.

I remember seeing video of people streaming from Manhattan.

I remember sitting with my friends in the evening worried about loved ones and feeling guilty for being safe on the west coast.

I remember lighting candles at night for all the lost souls and those that were trying so hard to recover them.

I remember how strange it was to not hear or see planes in the sky for days.

I remember feeling so injured by the attack on my country even though it didn't actually touch my life as closely as it did others.

If you didn't read this last year, it's a good story.

Current Music: Stronger - Kanye West

I Wonder

2008-09-07T17:45:00.004-07:00

I wonder about a lot of things - some are big, some are small. For lack of anything better to post, here are some things that I've been wondering about.

I wonder how I manage to get so many little injuries on my body on a day to day basis.
I wonder how I'm going to make it through to November with all the politics, it's already killing me and there is still sooooo long to go.
I wonder how I managed to missed so much of summer. It's September and the only tan I have is out of a bottle.
I wonder how much longer I can keep my job, not because I'm going to get fired but because my boss drives me nuts and makes me want to quit on a day to day basis.
I wonder how I can continue find a way to get a housekeeper once a week, since I have managed to been a really crap-tastic house keeper (and we all know what a great housekeeper Scott is).
I wonder how much longer I can "keep up with the Jonses", it's so hard to have rich friends (not that they are difficult about it, it's all me).
I wonder why so many birth control commercials have swimming pools in them - what is that about?
I wonder if it's ever too early to start becoming the crazy cat lady.
I wonder if the right pair of shoes really can make the day better - sometimes I think it's absolutely possible.
I wonder how much Law & Order I can watch before my brain turns to mush.
I wonder how much longer I can stay in this state and keep my sanity.
I wonder how I can get a Wii Fit.
I wonder why I Tivo'd Hole in the wall - I am so dumb.
Oh yeah, and I wonder why I got my hair cut - I don't mind the 4 to 5 inches she took off the back, but I'm unsure as to why I let her put the evil bangs back. Seriously, I am dumb.

Of course there's more, but really how much are you really wondering about what I'm wondering about?

Numbers

2008-08-26T10:37:00.004-07:00

Not much new to report, just odds and ends. So I thought I'd give you a run down in numbers:

17 - The number of years that Scott and I have been together, as of today. Yep it's the anniversary of our first date (which was supposed to be a one night stand - obviously I am not clear on the concept of one night stand).

8 - The number of times I've listened to Duffy's Warwick Avenue since Monday.

4 - The hour of the morning that I finally dragged my sorry butt home the other night. It's fun to go out drinking with co-workers after a late night at the restaurant, it's even more fun if you don't have to stop drinking at last call because it's the bar you work in and the bartender is there drinking with you.

9 - The number of days that it's taken for this sunburn on my back to stop hurting and itching.

3 - The number of days that Scott has been mad at me since I came home at 4:30am (sure, I left at 4, but it took a half an hour to get home).

10 - The number of times I've apologized for not calling and coming home so late. Even though I'm not really all that sorry.

6 - The number of loads of laundry Scott has done while sighing heavily and rolling his eyes - his way of telling me that I should be doing the laundry, not him

2 - The number of birthday cards I need to make for birthdays that I missed.

11 - The number of magazines I've looked through lately looking for a good haircut (number found is zero).

5 - The number of Double Stuff Oreos I had in place of breakfast.

12 - The number of times I've had squirt vile pink medicine down my cat's throat since Wednesday. The good news is that we're almost done, the bad news is that I think the cat is plotting something.

7 - The number of times one of my clients has called in the last two days to find out when his tile would be in.

1 billion - The numbers of typos I've made today, seriously having typing issues.

Current Music: Heartbeat - Scouting for Girls

Pop Quiz

2008-08-21T20:23:00.005-07:00

Today we have a multiple choice quiz, let's see how you do...

1. It's Monday, you've left work early to get your hair done, but that leaves some extra time when you get back. Once you get home do you:
A. Start the ginormous pile of laundry that needs doing.
B. Get on line and do some blogging ('cause you are really behind).
C. Sit on the deck in the sun, read a book and have a glass of wine.
D. Work on the cards that you've been needing to get done for ages.

2. Tuesday rolls around, you have to take the cat to the vet and go grocery shopping. But after all that you've got a little more time, so do you:
A. Do the laundry that you still haven't done.
B. Weed the garden, it's over run (again).
C. Curl up on the sofa with the sick kitty and watch TV.
D. Do the work you took home to do.

3. Happy Hump-day! Your boss made you want to run screaming from the building, so you did - an hour early. Should you:
A. Do the laundry, it's still on the hall floor.
B. Sit around playing on the laptop and watching the Olympics.
C. Go for hot dogs and a movie with your husband.
D. Medicate the sick cat then go to bed.

4. It's Thursday, the weekend is in your sights, but you've got a ton of work to (from leaving early all week). You could:
A. Still do the laundry, it hasn't magically done it's self.
B. Make your husband a lavish meal in true June Cleaver fashion.
C. Work late and get things done, but be really pissy about it.
D. Clean up the two piles of cat puke that you found down stairs.

If you answered C to each question, then you had the same week I did - see, it doesn't always suck to be me.

If you answered B or D to each question, way to get things done!

If you answered A to each question there's still plenty of laundry here for you to do, come on over (I still have wine left from Monday).

Current Music: It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Alan Jackson

"Thinking of You"

2008-08-11T19:06:00.004-07:00

I love to make cards, but I've never made a Sympathy card. I've always just gone and bought one when I needed one. I mean, who wants to have those around - it seems like borrowing trouble. Not the mention the fact that I hate Sympathy cards - they never really say what you are thinking. But then, given the circumstances, what can you say?

I made my first sympathy card today. I had to make it, it was to send my condolences to a family that just lost their infant daughter, not yet three months old. Hallmark doesn't make a card for that, do they.

All I could say was "Thinking of You" - because that much is true. I am thinking of them, thinking how unfair it is for such a horrible thing to happen to such nice people. I'm thinking that I'm angry that a sweet little baby had to leave this planet way too soon.

But what else could I say? I couldn't say that the universe sucks and there is no way that they should have to be going through this. I couldn't say that what ever deity they believe in has let them down by not answering the prayers of many who had hoped that she would recover from her fall. I couldn't say that they would be okay, is anyone ever okay after the death of a child?

So I'll think of them, and maybe I can bear some of their sorrow, because right now they have too much to bear.

Current Music: Wasted - Brandi Carlile

What's New

2008-08-07T20:25:00.002-07:00

My guilt over my neglected blog has gotten the better of me. Alas, I don't have much to report. I've had a ton of random things running about in my head, some of them might be blog worthy, maybe just I wasn't feelin' it this week.

But in case you were interested...

Scott is the biggest hypochondriac (I blame his very Jewish mother). He had a headache the other day, which he then decided must be a migraine (even though he has never had one before). I suggested that perhaps - since he was describing his symptoms as headache, backache, nausea and fatigue - that he may have a flu. He immediately decided that was it and went home for the day. Near as I can tell, he didn't have either.

I went to a horse camp on Saturday (just to pick up, not to stay) - that was interesting, in a boring, horsey kind of way. On the plus side of things I got to see a llama with a very unusual under bite. I'm not sure if there's much call for orthodontia in farm animals, but if there is this place has a patient!

The Olympics are starting soon, so TV is over for a while. Though it does give me an excuse to go do the gardening I've been neglecting all summer. Oh and maybe read a book.

I may have to buy a mouth guard to wear to work - every time one of my bosses starts talking to me I start grinding my teeth. And even if it doesn't help my teeth, maybe it will keep me from saying something to them that I might regret.

I spent the better part of an hour trying to return a bra at Victoria's Secret today. Yes, very young manager chick, I realize that wore it and that's bad. But your sales lady told me that I wouldn't fall out of the top of it - and I did, at work. So I would like a different bra please, preferably one that I don't fall out off in front of clients. Is that too much to ask for?

While I was at Victoria's Secret I decided to placate the young manager chick and I bought some new underwear (5 for $25 is a pretty good deal, right?). I now have sayings like "I kissed the quarterback" and "team pink spirit" on my underwear. I think I may have reached the point in my life where I should stop buying underwear, and maybe bras, at Victoria's Secret.

Due to peer pressure, I've joined Facebook. I have no idea what to do next.

Anything else you guys need to know?

Current Music: Trucker Hat - Bowling for Soup

Any Port In A Storm

2008-07-29T20:12:00.005-07:00

I was driving a lot today - I had a bunch of things to do for clients, so I figured I'd get it all done at once. But I was feeling a bit lost, a bit disconnected, missing people and places long gone.

As I drove, I passed a number of different cemeteries, and "Memorial Parks" - it got me thinking about the fact that my Grandmother is buried so far away. I thought about the fact that I couldn't stop and sit by her grave and talk to her, I couldn't tell her what's new or anything that was going on with me. Then I thought, well why do I have to be there - why can't I just pull into any of these cemeteries - will any "body" do? Why do we feel the need to sit by "our person" - when we know that they aren't really there, just what is left of them?

So I tried it - I parked and sat on a bench and thought about all those people, pets and places that I don't get to see, or talk to, or go to. And I talked to those random people there instead of my people - and it was ok. In fact in some ways it was better.

I could tell those folks lying there all about how I miss being a little kid hanging out with my Grandmother, or how I wish I had known my Grandfather better. I told them all about how I think of and miss my friends that died of cancer. I told them how I miss all those pets that made my life a better place and are gone now. They learned about all the friends that I left behind when I moved and how I miss the place I grew up and lived for so many years. And it was nice.

Maybe I'll get a chance to go and talk to my people soon, but for now these people will do.

Current Music: Eulogy - The Hereafter

Ohio Magnetism

2008-07-25T11:42:00.003-07:00

No really, Ohio speaks to me (and not just through blogs). It must, because what else could explain my third trip to the Buckeye State in two months?

I can honestly say that I have never been to any state (that I haven't lived in) as many times as I've been to Ohio (well, there's Florida - but once was for business and once for a funeral, so let's not count those). So why do I keep going to Ohio this summer? Is it really "the heart of it all"? Am I just drawn to the giant Longaberger Basket? Perhaps I am destined to move to Ohio and do great things, or not.

I suppose trips to Ohio (or at least through Ohio) are pretty much a foregone conclusion living in Michigan - there's really no other way out (unless I go through Canada, which really would be the long-way round to most places - well, except to Canada). But still - it does seem odd to be headed back there again...

Current Music: Ohio - Bowling for Soup

Another Open Letter

2008-07-23T20:30:00.003-07:00

Dear Bosses Wife,

Do you find it fairly hypocritical that you told me I should wear a tank top under my shirt because my bra was showing?

Seeing as how you are the one that usually has your bra strap showing. Not to mention the low cut tank tops that you wear at least once or twice a week (and that your boobs regularly fall out of). I realize that your husband is a "boob man" (it might be why I got the job) and that you mostly just work in the back and don't see clients, but is it really fair to say that I should cover the gap in my shirt?

I will grant the fact that the shirt was a bit tight and I could have made a better bra choice, I will also grant that we are "friends" (in the loose work sense) and maybe you thought you were being helpful. But I still say you're a hypocrite.

Thank you for your time,
Irritated well-dressed Employee.

Current Music: Amy Winehouse - Fuck Me Pumps

And I'm Back...

2008-07-22T19:29:00.002-07:00

As Mark Twain said, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated".

Mostly I've been recovering from a three day drunk-fest, and then getting back into the normal grind of regular life. That's the part that sucks - the real life part, not the drunk fest part.

So let's see, when last I posted I had just returned from the big Gay Ho-Down and the Honky Tonk Queen contest. I did promise you a video, so here is one of the "past queens", I'm happy to report that the newly crowned queen was even better than this "gal" - which I suppose is not really a stretch.

Directly after my second round on the Ohio turnpike (which was magical) I worked for a week then set off into the annual Mackinac Race week routine. The parade, Family Night, Boat Night, and then the actual race. Scott set sail for the island and I hit the road (oh yeah, again) to pick him up. So four days, seven bruises, too many drinks to count and one good sunburn later and we're back to regular life.

Anyway - I'll get back into my groove, maybe do another NaBloPoMo ('cause that's always fun - ha!).

Current Music: Let Me Out - Ben's Brother

Rockin' Out!

2008-07-09T07:47:00.006-07:00

All right, so my girl KimmyK didn't tag me for this, but I thought I might do it anyway. Then Katie was all "you gotta do it", so being the one to bow to peer pressure here's the music meme...

Instructions: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

I will preface this as Kimmy did, I listen to a lot of different types of music, so there's a bit of everything in here (well, I didn't put any classical in) - but no matter what they are, they're fun summer tunes that make me smile! Take any of these to the beach and you'll love them.

American Boy - Estelle Love this one, fast slow little bit of everything

Good Life - Kanye West Summer is all about the good life, right - so duh!

Here for the Party - Gretchen Wilson Alright this is a new one for me, but it really works (thanks to the reigning Honky Tonk Queen for turning me on to this one - check back tomorrow for more on the Honky Tonk Queen)

Summertime - Will Smith Yeah, again, duh (old school I know, but still good)

New Shoes - Paolo Nutini I've got to find a way to get shoes in somewhere :-)

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problems - Kenny Chesney He can sit with no shirt or shoes with me any day!

It's Love - Chris Knox Heard this one on a Heineken commercial and loved it - took a bit to find it, but it's super!

There's a ton more that I can't live without, but these were the ones that keep popping up in my recently played list.

As you know I don't actually know seven people and two of the people that I do know have already done it, so the rest of you can consider yourself tagged if you are so inclined!

Current Music: Heartbreaker - Will.I.Am

Happy Independence Day!

2008-07-04T11:46:00.003-07:00

None who have always been free
can understand the terrible
fascinating power of the hope of
freedom to those who are not free.
— Pearl S. Buck

Happy Fourth of July to one and all!

Current Music: The Liberty Bell March - John Philip Sousa (no really, it's my Dad's cell phone ring)

Hitting the Road (again)

2008-06-30T12:54:00.002-07:00

Yep, I've got the road in my blood now - can't wait to get out again!

Ok, not really, but when my mom gave me the dates for her trip I didn't realize that they fell so close to the date that I was supposed to meet some friends (this weekend). And next weekend is the big sailboat race in town and I'm off on another vacation! No rest for the wicked...

So on Saturday I have to get back on the road, this time to Cleavland - that's right I'm headed for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and a Gay Rodeo (you can't say I don't know how to have a good time). I'll be hitting the road first thing Saturday morning and returning to my quiet little burg on Sunday evening. In between all that is the Rock and Roll Hall of fame, a contest for "Queen of the Rodeo" (and I don't mean in the royal sense) and some other stuff that I'm sure will be very interesting.

I only ever get to see these friends once a year, so when they called to say they were going to be in my neck of the woods (roughly, if you can call a 4 hour drive in my neck of the woods) I said sure - I'll meet you! Now I'm sort of regretting it, though I'm sure it will be fun. And probably a fairly good photo op.

So that's a wrap for me - end of visit (mom leaves tomorrow), end of June, end of NaBloPoMo and end of sanity for a while. Peace out!

Current Music: listening to the sweet stylings of a sad old printer because I forgot to bring my iPod to work

3 Days (well, one and a half)

2008-06-29T16:07:00.003-07:00

"Fish and visitors smell in three days."
-Benjamin Franklin

Such a wise man, founds a country and realizes that visiting friends and family suck.

Part of me really hates to say that about my mom - after all, she is my mom and she has lots of awesome characteristics. But the bigger part of me says "remember, this is why you moved half way across the country dummy".

Tomorrow I get to go to work - which I don't really want to do, but it means that I don't have to be here listening to her go on and on about all the stuff she goes on about (if I have to hear the story of her making pudding for my niece again I may actually rip my own ears off). Other than that I am not looking forward to getting back into the office - I'm never sure what is worse, leaving for vacation or coming back (in reality it all sucks).

The good news for Scott is that he's stuck home with her tomorrow - all right, so it's not good news for him, but it is good for me :-) Well, since she loves him more that makes it less bad for him!

So it's t-minus 2 days for mom's visit and NaBloPoMo. Won't you be glad not to see my little rant-y posts not showing up in your readers?

Current Music: catching up on tivo, a little "Good Eats"

Nice work

2008-06-28T20:20:00.001-07:00

It's not easy, carrying all this amazing food around when you're hungry.

Safe and Sound

2008-06-27T18:51:00.002-07:00

Well, we're home - safe and sound, mostly anyway. My mom nearly passed out again, this time was we looked over Niagara Falls, it could have gone so very wrong. It didn't though.

Mentally I'm sure we're all a bit unsound. As soon as we got home (after fighting traffic to get back into the states and picking up the dog at the kennel) we all pretty much went to our corners to have a little "alone time". That's what I'm doing now in fact :-)

Tomorrow I have to work in the evening, but before then I need to return the rental car, drag Mom to the Library and then stop and take a look at the Tall Ships that are in town for the weekend. Really looking forward to work tomorrow!

Current Music: Work That - Mary J. Blige

Is It Over Yet?

2008-06-26T17:30:00.003-07:00

Is this "vacation" over? Is NaBloPoMo over? Are we done yet? 'Cause I am!

One more day of road trip to go - the good news is that it's the drive back home, the bad news is that it's the drive back home and I still have 4 days left to "visit" with my mom when we get back.

I guess the real good news is that I don't have to drive for nine hours and then go work in the restaurant. And the actual bad news is that I have to go back to work on Monday, and I expect that there will be all kinds of crap involved with that.

On the asshole husband front - I made him swear up and down that he would not blow his top about traffic or getting lost if he picked out the route. I picked out the route and when he started to get peeved because of a detour I reminded him of his promise and low and behold he actually kept his temper in check. I'm floored.

On the mother front - she almost passed out in Independence Hall due to heat stoke. Happily, she recovered, we checked out a few more things and then hi-tailed it out of Philly. Sadly, we did not get to be on the news or add to the amazing history of the place by having her pass out.

Only a few more days of blogging left too - hang in there, we're almost home!

Oh, Now I Remember

2008-06-25T15:17:00.005-07:00

Years and years ago we were in Club Med and one of the ladies there was vacationing without her husband or kids. According to her, it's what they did. One family vacation then one vacation for him and one for her.

And my parents don't travel together, not because they are divorced (even though they should be) but because they don't travel well together. So they choose to travel separately - which is why Mom is here now and Dad is home.

Every time we travel together I remember that I hate traveling with Scott. He gets pissy if I want to do something that he doesn't, he hates it when I want to stop to take a picture, and he completely comes unhinged if we get stuck in traffic/lost/or are the victim of bad directions (the internet kind - don't start thinking that he actually stops to ask for directions). And don't even get me started on plane travel (the only bright side of that is that it's mercifully short).

Oh sure, the vacation sex is always fun; and once we get to a destination or get done doing something I want to do his mood improves. But the traveling part kind of sucks.

Someone please remind me of that the next time I say I'm thinking about a vacation!

It's The Thought That Counts, Right?

2008-06-24T04:55:00.004-07:00

I sent in my pitiful NaBloPoMo post on the phone last night and apparently it didn't go through. I really didn't say much - so you didn't really miss much. But I say this counts for Monday and Tuesday!

Day three of the trip, we're headed off to Gettysburg today, should be good for the hour or two - then I'll be bored out of my skull. But, according to Scott and my mom, not everything is about me - who knew?! My uncle is driving up from Virginia to join us, that should be, um, interesting. He's beyond preachy and pedantic, but he's family so what are you going to do? No matter which way you look at it, it is going to be a long day.

Yesterday we checked out the National Civil War Museum in Harrisburg, and wandered around Hershey. It's true, the street lights really are shaped like kisses - so cute. We checked out the Hotel Hershey and it's lovely 1930's interiors and the Hershey Gardens (those were my picks of course). A good day all in all.

BTW, yes John Corbett is not just a pretty face, the music was pretty good. Yes, he does seem like a regular guy - he drinks Corona or Jack and soda (with lime), and he likes to pick up cute girls (mostly brunettes if that helps!). Pretty regular guy, right?!

Current Music: Mercy - Duffy

Already on history overload -

2008-06-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Already on history overload - tomorrow Gettysburg. Woo freakin' hoo!

Awesome!

2008-06-22T17:59:00.004-07:00

I had to work both Friday and Saturday nights at the restaurant, I always work when there's a show. Normally I would say that it sucks - but not in this case, because this weekend's show was the John Corbett Band! It's always a lot more fun to work when the show is good. But wait, it gets better..

The shows ran so long that we were allowed to slip into the theater and watch (service in the restaurant was done and the bar was stocked and ready for the after-show party) - not just listen in the bar (with a wall in between). Then, once the show was out the band came in to hang out in the bar. Sadly I had to serve drinks all night, but I got to make sure that all the band members had drinks. I didn't get tipped in cash, but I did get tipped with a cheek kiss and a little snuggely hug - AWESOME!

Oh yeah - I got that tip two nights in a row, he is nothing if not consistent (oh and cute, and tall and pretty yummy).

In other news:
- The concert was really good - he's not just a pretty face.
- You might think that standing back stage and looking at his "good side" is great, and it is!
- There was a big down side - I worked till 2:30am both nights and am currently working on about hours of sleep in 48 hours.
- The vacation has arrived and I am in PA - getting ready to do the history thing with Mom and Scott (thank goodness for wi-fi at this hotel - take that NaBloPoMo).

More on the "vacation" later...

OMG John Corbett just kissed

2008-06-21T18:45:00.001-07:00

OMG John Corbett just kissed me on the cheek! More later :-)

We Interupt Your Regular Program...

2008-06-20T09:53:00.002-07:00

It's a wonder that I can ever get anything done around here.

I got into the office at 9:30am and I have been interrupted no fewer than 12 times for totally BS things. It's now 1pm and I've gotten nothing done (not to mention the crimp that it's put in reading my personal email and blogs, etc.) - and I have to leave at 2:45 for my appointments.

Of course I have a ton of stuff to do to get out of here on Sunday and a bunch of appointments too. I guess I'm going to have to be in the office a bit tomorrow! So now the question is when am I going to pack?

Current Music: These Streets -Paolo Nutini

Strike!

2008-06-19T20:26:00.002-07:00

My girl KimmyK is the smartest girl in the universe! She suggested I go on strike. That way I could just blog away and visit all my peeps and enjoy myself - the way it was intended! And I totally would, except...

1. Striking does not pay well - actually, neither of my jobs pay particularly well, so I guess that's not really a very good argument.

2. I've tried it before, and it doesn't work. What tends to happen in the battle of wills I lose - my ability to handle the grossness is lacking compared to Scott's. Well, he's a guy of course he can handle more gross than I can!

3. Guilt. While I was not raised either Catholic or Jewish I have enough guilt to give any of those kids a run for their money. I know that my mom won't actually care about how clean my house is. I know that there's no NaBloPoMo police - that I don't have to post every day. I know that every single one of my clients isn't going to call when I'm gone - so I don't need to leave notes on every file. But I feel like I should, so I do.

And in housekeeping news - progress has been made...

Yesterday, when Scott told me he was going to stay home I told him to fold the laundry that had been sitting for three days - I didn't hint, I didn't ask, I told him. AND IT WORKED!

Today, he asked what he could do to help, and he looked at the To-Do list and he actually ta-did! Now, he only did half the laundry, dusted, swept and vacuumed the floors - but as you'll recall I only expected that he would maybe vacuum. So I'll consider that progress!

We'll see what happens tomorrow, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Current Music: We're All In This Together - Ben Lee

Housekeeping

2008-06-18T20:07:00.002-07:00

Or perhaps the lack there of... My house is a complete mess and my mother is arriving on Sunday. The good news is that we are picking her up at the airport and hitting the road for our trip to PA, so technically she won't be seeing our house till the following Friday - but it still needs to be cleaned before we leave to go get her.

That means that between now and Sunday at 7am I need to:
wash down the kitchen cabinets
clean the kitchen counters
excavate the mess on the dinning room table
clean both bathrooms
napalm the shower (I'm not sure there's anything else that will clean it)
do a bunch of laundry (all the guest sheets and towels apparently became a cat bed)
sweep and mop all the floors
dust
vacuum

oh, and pack

And that's just at home, I still have to get the dog to the kennel, pick up the rental car (I'm not putting all those miles on my little car) and get everything at work ready for my absence. And I haven't even started thinking about how I'm going to deal with NaBloPoMo while I'm gone - I think you should prepare yourselves for short mobile phone posts. Oh, and I'm working at the restaurant Friday and Saturday night. I'm tired just thinking about it all.

You may ask how many things on this list Scott is taking care of, the answer my friends is probably one - vacuuming. Somehow the interior of our home is my domain, while he takes care of the outside (and when I say outside I mean lawn, not garden - that's my problem too). That's right I'm going to take care of that big ass list of things to do and he's going to sit on his riding mower for an hour or two - totally seems fair.

Every once and a while I wonder what it would be like to have a husband that actually helped out - but then it makes me wonder how many of them actually exist (and aren't secretly gay). Maybe one of these days I'll realize that the fairy tales don't really come true and get back to doing the laundry.

Current Music: Nolita Fairytale - Vanessa Carlton

Lost Again

2008-06-17T18:21:00.004-07:00

We tivo'd the season finale of Lost, last year. And then we tivo'd all of this season - start to finish. I'm still not sure why we waited until now to to start watching it, but we did. Maybe it's the fall like weather or the fact that we're trying to clear off the tivo a bit, whatever the reason - we're doing it.

So, last year's season finale and three hours into this year's season and I'm just as lost as I was when we stopped watching it a year ago. Oh Snap - maybe that's why it's called Lost (I always figured that it was because they were all lost on an island). Don't get me wrong, I still love the show, but I think I love it because I'm in a constant state of confusion! Does that make sense?

Don't tell me what happens, just tell me if it start to makes sense...

Current Music: dude, I just told you I'm watching Lost.

Huh...

2008-06-16T17:33:00.003-07:00

Kind of out of words today. This is one of the problems with NaBloPoMo - sometimes there are only so many vaguely good posts in a person. As of today I may have run out.

In reality it was just a serious Monday, that followed a sub-par weekend - add a case of PMS (yeah, again - seriously I think I have PMS two weeks a month) and lack of sleep and it really adds up to a crap-tastic day.

The good news is that I should be able to look forward to a better night of sleep tonight, given the fact that it's cool out and Scott won't have to run the air conditioner ALL NIGHT LONG (insert Lionel Richie clip here). Also with a little help from my friend Midol served up with a side of Ho-Hos I should be slightly less crabby (and when I say crabby I mean super bitch-o-rama).

Perhaps I'll be able to find some more exciting words tomorrow.

Current Music: Sociopath - Anya Marina

Late Night

2008-06-15T19:57:00.003-07:00

Here's the top ten reasons why I shouldn't watch late night TV (and why I love tivo).

1. Are there really lots of singles waiting to talk to me?

2. When did Trojan start making vibrators and how are they allowed to advertise them on TV?

3. Ice cream tastes better before you brush your teeth.

4. Viva Viagra!

5. Do male enhancement creams really work?

6. Wine does not make any of these commercials funnier, thought it does help with sleeping.

7. Why do commercials for "feminine products" always have to be so peppy?

8. Where is the closest Sonic - and do they have anything besides dumb people in their cars?

9. Ice cream and wine after midnight gives me heartburn.

10. David Letterman isn't as funny as he used to be.

Current Music: no music, just bad late night TV.

Never Had A Doubt

2008-06-14T19:00:00.013-07:00

So, I just did the best thing EVER. I used my new Ped Egg. It. Was. Awesome.

I had seen the infomercial and thought "well, maybe". Then I thought back to my "Ab Roller", and decided that it was probably crap (like the stuff in most other infomercials). So I decided against ordering one (even though I really, really wanted one).

Then not long ago, my girl FADOKG waxed poetic about her new Ped Egg - and I have to say I was intrigued. And of course, now that I had a credible review I could go out and buy one.

Not long after that, Scott and I were watching TV and the commercial popped up again. I said that I was going to order one, that I was really excited about it. He, of course, said it was a dumb idea and he was sure it wasn't going to work. So, my hopes and dreams of smooth feet were dashed and I decided not to order one (even though it was two for the price of one!) again.

Then today, as I strolled through Target, I saw it there. Shining like a beacon on an end cap (between the kitchen utensils and the dog food), there was my Ped Egg. I couldn't help myself - it was fate or kismet or both - what ever it was, I had to have it.

So I'm not ready for a guest shot on the infomercial just yet - but a few more times with this little bad boy and I'll be ready the foot loose and fancy free days of summer.

Current Music: Think I'm In Love - Beck

As Good As It Gets

2008-06-13T20:57:00.003-07:00

It's 5 minutes till Midnight, I've just arrived home from the restaurant and mowed down some Taco Bell - and I'm worried about NaBloPoMo. I hope they appreciate this level of dedication, some how I think they don't...

Current Music: me humming "Story Weather", it's not all that good.

There's No Place Like Home

2008-06-12T19:21:00.004-07:00

There's a saying, "Home is where your Mom is." That means that as of now, my home is in California. And I will say that that's very true, even after four years I still feel that my home is out there. But if home is where your Mom is then, Michigan is going to be home for a bit - 'cause Mom's headed this way.

She's headed in for a week and a bit of vacation - we're doing a driving trip to Pennsylvania (you know doing the history thing) and then back home for a little visiting and then she leaves. Should be long and painful, with highlights of fun.

I jest, sort of. It should be fun. I've never been to Philly and I hear there are good cheese steaks and there's an old bell with a crack in it - good times. We're going to hit Hershey, PA on the way - just cause there's chocolate there. Then I'm not sure what, Gettysburg, Yorktown and on to Philly? We'll go where the toll road takes us...

So I guess this means that home is going to be in Pennsylvania for a bit too!

Current Music: Country Roads - Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies

Happy Birthday Pop!

2008-06-11T20:24:00.003-07:00

Today is my Dad's 67th birthday - and I wish I could be celebrating it with him. Ever since his heart transplant I've felt like each Birthday, Christmas, or vacation is a blessing - but I worry that if I'm not there for this one, will there be another?

I know it's morbid, but due to the transplant and the rejection issues his days are numbered, we just don't know what the number is. I wonder if it's easier to know a more exact time frame or not.

Anyway - enough of all that... Today he is celebrating a birthday and that is a wonderful thing.

So happy birthday Pop, my world is a better place because of you.

Current Music: Beautiful Day - Bedouin SoundClash

I Promise

2008-06-10T12:22:00.002-07:00

Just one more night, then I'm all yours again! We've just got to get through the graduation tonight and the inevitable tears when I tell the kids that their parents won't be home before they have to go to bed and then I'm free.

Unless they've changed their plans and decided to stay in France permanently. In which case I will have to take a blogging hiatus as I hunt them down and kill them - wait no, bring them back, why would I want them dead?! I have confirmed that their flight left and is theoretically winging it's way to Detroit, but sadly there is no way to confirm that they are on it.

Anyway, as of tomorrow night I'll be sitting curled up in my comfy chair with my laptop, my tivo remote and a glass wine (or something stronger if tonight doesn't go well) - ready to read up on all that's new with you dear friends (so quick, run out and do something impressive) and maybe, just maybe crank out a really awesome post, though I wouldn't hold your breath or anything.

Current Music: Musicbox - Regina Spektor

Priceless

2008-06-09T18:47:00.003-07:00

House cleaned up - 1 Hour

Kids fed - 2 Hour at a crappy restaurant and a Migraine

Clothes for field trips laid out - One fight over a bathing suit

Plans for Graduation set - 3 phone calls and one fit of crying

Parents returning from France tomorrow evening - priceless

Current Music: Listening to the storm roll over, wondering which tree we'll have to take down next.

It's Baaaacckkkk

2008-06-08T12:53:00.004-07:00

You know how I said that I was excited that Scott had managed to get the AC into the house and we weren't going to have to sweat our asses off. I was wrong - I've decided I'd rather sweat. Now I know that most normal people really wouldn't want to sweat to death all summer long, but I'll take that over the noise.

In general, Summer is a noisy time around here. First you get your thunder storms; then there are all the lawn mowers, weed whackers and leaf blowers; of course there are all the boats up and down the river (we live right along the no wake zone, so it's really loud!). But the worst part is our stupid Air Conditioner, well and the fans too.

All night and every night of summer I have to listen to the fan going constantly and the AC cycling on and off. I basically sleep deprived from June to September. And that's just at night, during the day I have to constantly raise and lower the volume on the TV/iPod/telephone, you know anything I'm trying to hear.

And let's not forget going to work, where I sit directly beneath an AC unit all day. If I'm lucky I can hear myself think, but I definitely can not hear anyone that calls, or the intercom or even some clients when they come in the door.

Current Music: I don't know, I can't hear...

P.S. SATC was awesome! I haven't been the most avid watcher of the show - I always liked it, but I never watched it religiously; but it sure was a good movie. I'll agree, there were a few outfits that were, well even for SJP they were a bit much; but over all v. fun. The plot was good, and clear enough for a non-watcher - and the ending was good. All in all, two thumbs way up.